Confusion is getting better, I think...

[Okabe]

Well I was just stupid.
After taking a bunch of steps towards GAL (setting up a mandolin lesson and IC for next week) I go and step in it.
I mention to W that I'd be gone a bunch on Monday. That I had my lesson and an appointment. She asks me what for and I tell her: counseling. She looked genuinely surprised. "Oh really?"
I told her I needed to deal with some things. That I still didn't know what she wanted and that was hard to deal with. I ask her what she wants: she says: "I don't know."
I ask her don't you want things to get better?
She says: "it's the way its always been".
I told her bul#$@p. That is not true
She replies : "ok. It doesn't matter."
I ask: "don't you want things to be closer, better?"
She replies (with a flat face) :"it doesn't matter".

And that remained her answer.
This was textbook of what not to do. I feel stupid for walking through that door.
Time to back off. I am sure of this. I have no idea of her thinking about our M.
She seems resigned to an affectionless, distant M as far as I can tell.