Inbetween Land

[Cadet]

Faith

I think that you are on the right track,
understand that with DB you worry about YOU.

Make changes for YOU, so that YOU become the
best that YOU can possibly be.
You become someone that only a FOOL would leave.

He may be a fool but YOU cant control that.

I hope that makes sense.

Let go of him and focus on YOU

Keep posting and asking questions.

[Faith2b]

So Im back home after dropping some things off at the new tiny apartment. Im pretty numb right now Im moving from our marital home. This is going to be grow worthy. What I mean is as a woman who prided herself in having home regardless if my Exh made bad choices I fought hard to stay here until he would grow up. I thought for sure he would get it. Well this is what he wanted both of us to have our own place and then work on us from that stand point. Well that cant happen because of this OW he moved in his place. I want that to end so we can start on us but I know thats not my choice nor can I count on him even getting to that point. Its only in God's hands now. I can only focus on me. I have no choice but to be the best mom and woman I can be. Im numb. I want him to realize what he is doing. I want him to come to me. Change Im helpless becuase I cant stop loving a man who has chosen to take me for granted. Just numb. Ine foot in front of the other.

[CaliGuy]

Faith ... totally get where you are at THIS moment ... been there .. done that .. have the cheap T shirt to prove it.

I think one of the things that DBing does ... it is not a sure fire way to save your M, however .. it can save YOU ... read here and you will figure out the first step is to start the work on oneself. This does a couple things ... it gets you to stop focusing on thw WAS, the OW, .... you can not do a thing about that anyways ... so lets start

GAL ... what are you doing for you?
PMA ... smile .. be happy .. drives em nuts and helps you start creating a happy place in your heart for YOU
180 ... get out of your comfort zone .. created a better version of you .. take a chance and do something different.

[Faith2b]

Cali,

Geesh your right..I had to take a little nap and regroup. He texted about picking up the kiddos tomorrow he is suppose to get them from the babysitter but instead wants to pick them up from me at the house later than usual. Not sure what that's about but I said ok and asked what time.

Trying not to think to much into this I don't know if its progress or another bomb from hell. Where as before he would try to avoid pick ups between us two.

Im excited about moving forward. I definitely look forward to me getting back my spine and setting boundaries that will be respected by him and whoever maybe in my future.

Since I was a little girl I wanted to have a family that included a partner. This whole experience has showed me that I have settled for less than that.

Not really mad that Im here its just difficult looking forward to a road unseen. Like whats going to happen? Im for sure a risk taker but I question my ability to know the difference and hence Im here lol. Well the sky is the limit.

I guess Im more scared of myself. My ego is a big part of me being here not knowing how to even begin to care about someone but myself is something I need to consider. Empathy compassion lasting forgiveness.

I do make my own self sick thinking i am holding someone captive by being needy or any of the other no no's its like I never ever wanna be with someone who doesn't want me. Im worth more.

Ok well I probably will be on here all night rough day for me.

[Faith2b]

o yes can any one tell me where to get a can of "PATIENCE??" smh!!

[CaliGuy]

Cali,

Geesh your right..I had to take a little nap and regroup. He texted about picking up the kiddos tomorrow he is suppose to get them from the babysitter but instead wants to pick them up from me at the house later than usual. Not sure what that's about but I said ok and asked what time.


Trying not to think to much into this I don't know if its progress or another bomb from hell. Where as before he would try to avoid pick ups between us two.


Not your problem .. you can not read his mind .. so don't ... it is what it is. Save your energy for things YOU control ... you will get yourself all freaked out thinking of all the things it could/could not be ... focus on being calm, happy, regardless


Im excited about moving forward. I definitely look forward to me getting back my spine and setting boundaries that will be respected by him and whoever maybe in my future.

Since I was a little girl I wanted to have a family that included a partner. This whole experience has showed me that I have settled for less than that.

Expectations ... expectations ... I imagined I would be a Pilot .. am I crushed it didn't happen .. no .. stay inside what you can control ... none of us asked for this, play the cards you were dealt, do not compare the hand you have to the Pocket Aces you hoped for.

Not really mad that Im here its just difficult looking forward to a road unseen. Like whats going to happen? Im for sure a risk taker but I question my ability to know the difference and hence Im here lol. Well the sky is the limit.

I guess Im more scared of myself. My ego is a big part of me being here not knowing how to even begin to care about someone but myself is something I need to consider. Empathy compassion lasting forgiveness.

I do make my own self sick thinking i am holding someone captive by being needy or any of the other no no's its like I never ever wanna be with someone who doesn't want me. Im worth more.

Ok well I probably will be on here all night rough day for me.

You are doing fine .. you are just spinning and that's normal ... Look up and read Sandis 37 ... then read em again ... then print em ... go have them tattooed on your arm .... well .. ok .. skip the last one .. but start there ... Oh .. and breathe .. you are alive .. that's a start.

[Faith2b]

Lol. Also I need to ask should I let him come to my new place and spend time as a family when he has the ow? Is this an ok thing to establish family time or should I ban any contact until she is out the pic. Or should I just allow him and I to be around eachother for family events?

[mvg]

Hey Faith,

I'm right there with you tonight, gonna be a long one, haha

You sound confident about moving ahead and that's inspirational to me and I'm sure to others. I'd love to hear about your programs setting boundaries as I'm having a hard time with those right now.

Your line about wanting a partner since you were young really resonated with me. It's taken this experience for me to realize I've been settling all this time, it's so hard to accept that...feels like I've been living a 12 year lie.

Good luck!

[Faith2b]

Lol. Yes. BoundarieBoundaries something I have failed to have. It's like you have to know yourself well enough to set them. Then you have to enforce them smh. Weirdly enough I was an ex posted and I have done work wherr it comes to keeping policies and order but in my personal life I have allowed all lines to be crossed...my fault my fault. He had told me the first time he had an affair and I forgave him but I didnt set any boundaries after. Now we r here. Overall the gift of time I'm determined will give me the strength to set limits that when crossed I can be a healthy enough person to leave. Anger fear worry and no trust within my relationship but these feelings I never would act on. What I mean is feeling are signals we are over our boundaries and I'm determined to not wait till I'm on ten with these emotions. I want to have a constant peace a reassurance that I can be balanced despite another actions.

Life what a ride.

[Faith2b]

So he trys to start a fight with me this fine morning!!! I am definately on my best behavior. I answered his questions and kept it short. He tried to fight with me I just reiterated the issue and then I told him I would talk to him later. I know its a test. The next thing he said was "So you love me right??" I didnt react I just sat back and thought about the implications behind this and how it made me very upset. I dont ever think my love has been a question. Well I have not responded and I wont. He has to come with convos about kids. He has to show me that he loves me not the other way around this is ludacris (and I dont mean the singer or rapper). This is one of those times I would usually get very heated but hey Im not gonna over step my own boundaries with this blow. Im gonna retain my peace and keep on going. Im not proving jack Im not the one. Sorry Im on one after this crazy. Im not this foolish at this point he is so blatently wrong. Now he just texted me. "I guess not all that talk was just talk" Im gonna be a good girl. smh. This is some real war going on here.