Jim0987 #8 - A bit clearer on the rebuild

[jim0987]

I think I'm obviously being really niave. I don't see my wife as out of control at all. I see someone who has made a clear decision to move on from our relationship as she doesnt value me as a partner and she is trying to make that happen as quickly as possible.

She has also met someone new that she wants to explore a relationship with but she doesn't want to admit it in case it disadvantages her or that I react badly/punitively and because she believes she hasn't done anything wrong and it's none of my business.

Other than the business with OM I don't think she is being particularly shifty. She is well practice's at cutting people from her life.

So I guess I don't see it as out if control, but actually in total control. Its when I threaten that she reacts usually with some sort of threat.

It's self-righteous that's driving these thoughts. Those actions are designed to shame and humiliate the WAS. There's absolutely nothing to be gained from this type of action. It will only serve to reinforce the negative outlook in their heads about you. You do not want to feed into that mindset.

This is why I'm reluctant to file, I know she is worried that I will. She will view it as more of the same insecure reactionary controlling behaviour that she says is part of the reason we are done. Im secure enough in my ego that as long as it doesnt harm me in any legal sense i can wear being 'at fault' besides its not like I'm blameless.
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Not filing might appear wet noodle though.