H's MLC#6- Now its about ME!

[2BHappy]

Job the roller coaster has been up down and all around today

So I went to library and read some DR, then came home, H wanted to talk I was shocked...there were tears on my part but he is quick snap shot of his talk

Yes he continues to put blame on when I was a WAS he said for 17 years,,,he said he does not want to leave, he is not having A or sex with anyone else, he said he is thinking differently then last year, he said he has not recently said he wanted to leave, pointed out that I continue to bring up his leaving, he did say he is not sure about our R, he said he loves me, I said like a family member, he said no like a man loves a woman, told me he use to cherish the ground I walked on until I crushed his soul, by pushing him away by being emotionally and physically unavailable to him.

It was sooo much at once, he says he did not realize it has been over a year and it did not feel that way to him.

I ask him about OW in feb, and what is different now, he says the way he is thinking about things is different..

He said again and again that he does not want to leave, he needs time to figure things out.

I know I cannot belive the things he is saying and that I can only listen. I would need to see actions..

He ask for time, time to know what he really wants, I said if you dont want this M, its best to leave he said he is not saying he does not want this M, ask again for time. I ask if he just wanted time to plan his leaving to just say that and be honest, he said that is not what he is saying,,he seems very confused and I dont know how much if any of this I can belive...

I was shocked he ask me to talk when I got back, shocked that he was telling me how he feels at all.

He was shocked that after all this instead of spending "family time" with him and s14, I went with my plans to go hang out with some girl friends and chit chat.

When I came home he ask to watch a movie with me, acted like NOTHING happen, not all the R talk, not all my tears, like all was normal.

All of this just makes me feel like I need to put up a LARGE guard on my heart...

I don't know what to make of all this, I don't know what to think,,

OMGoodness he just came in the room and ask my who I was emailing this time of the morning (2am here), said its kinda late to be on the computer. STORMED out of the room.

Yes Job, I know he been thinking about leaving, but he seems to forget that conversation earlier this year, when he talked about it, but he mentioned it today saying "that is why,,I wanted to get the MTG lower to make sure you and s14 is ok" but then he turns right around and says he does not want to leave.

I really dont know why I keep brining up anything, it seems to be a waste of my time and energy.

He did tell me that I can not make him leave this house even though it is in my name only. Told me I control all apects of our R and M and that now I needed to stop making it all about me and that I would not force him into a decision he was not ready to make.

OK, I know I might have left out some stuff,,,too much swriling in my head and its late,,going to read and go to bed.