I think I'm done

[BFloat]

Hi, I've been reading up on your thread with some interest and just have a couple of observations...

I see a lot of projecting.. How you think he should behave.. How you think he should show affection.. How much quality time you think he needs to spend with the kids... In your example of doing a 180.. It was your need to tell him how you felt rather than holding it in...

I think what you're doing is spinning. And I totally get that. That feeling of desperation.. That need to to be heard.. To try and fix things..

I get that you want to be honest with H about the lawyer's appt and all. But I think you need to take a step back. Seeing a lawyer doesn't necessarily have to mean that you are filing for D. It's good to get yourself educated on your rights.

There are some implications of an OP? And drinking? Unfortunately you can not fix H. You can only fix yourself. I think for you.. That means way for detaching and GAL. I don't see any signs on his part of wanting to fix the marriage at this point. Just more a means to an end of keeping you off his case.

All this i see because I was there. Pushing the marriage counselling, retrouvaille.. All of it! It was like a checklist of things he needed to do to say it just didn't work. None of it works when you don't have an open heart. I only truly let go when I had this moment of revelation... I had been praying for my marriage to be fixed.. And I suddenly realized I was praying for what I wanted.. What I needed to understand was that H had his own work to be done and it was his choice whether that included me or not.

So what I'm saying is.. You need to drop the rope. Fix you... How you interact with H.. Without any expectations at all. Who do you want to be?