1st post, Green Jealousy

[Train]

Isbar,

Theoden is spot-on, as usual, with his insightful post.

Here's the thing: if your H was ready to leave your M because of boredom or because the two of you had simply changed and grown apart over the years, then you acting fun and flirty and sexual may work to re-attract him back to you and your M.

But the fact that OW is involved makes your situation A LOT more delicate.

Your H is confiding in OW more than he's confiding in you. That means he's having a full-blown EA, as you know. A PA is likely soon to follow, if it hasn't already. Even if he's "only" in an EA (those are at least as dangerous as PAs), he's in what we call an "affair fog," which means he's in absolutely no place to work on his M with you right now. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about that right now.

What you CAN do is focus on YOU and doing anything and everything in your power (even when you don't feel like it) to make yourself feel valuable, smart, pretty, powerful and sexy (all things your H's actions are making you NOT feel right now).

The idea is not to make these changes to re-attract your H, per se. It's about making the changes over time so you begin to realize that you are a valuable, smart, pretty, powerful and sexy woman ... who was ALL of those things before you met your H. And you're still in there somewhere. The changes need to be GENUINE and sustainable ... and for YOU. They'll take time. But "fake it 'til you make it" in the meanwhile.

Here's your bind: Your H knows you know that he's invested in OW right now. He can call it what he wants to, but as theoden said, if he's being so defensive about his texts, then he, too, knows he's in an inappropriate relationship with OW. And now he knows that you know. Yet you still continue to have sex with him?!? That's going to make him disrespect you AND treat you disrespectfully, as he did when he texted OW about having sex with you feeling like he was being "molested."

I know I'm just repeating what my friends have already told you above. But you MUST respect yourself first and foremost. You can't expect your H to want to change if he's getting the "best of both worlds" right now.