New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

I was kind of losing it there for a couple of days after Christmas, a week with family and a few days after my wedding anniversary. Also, I didn’t sleep well all that week. And had a couple of major crises pop up with the house. Well, after getting a full night’s rest, talking with some good friends and my DB coach, I feel more on track. Chuck put this DB detachment thing in some terms I could understand. Letting myself feel like I’m in limbo is a choice and it doesn’t make sense to let my W dictate the terms of my life any more. If I knew she were going to be hit by a bus tomorrow, what choices would I make for my life and happiness? He put it better than that, but it got through.

He also said the holidays are very stressful. They magnify whatever our mood is around our sitch, so if things have felt a bit hopeless, they’re going to feel REALLY hopeless. The moods of our WASs are intensified too, so therefore, we really shouldn’t put too much stock in the nature of our contact with them. If my WAW had responded to my Christmas card or text, it very well might have been the result of her amplified emotions and not an indication of any change in her. He usually advises clients to just “hold on” and “get through” the holidays.

So I feel more focused on the GAL activities I have been doing and need to do. For one, I need to figure out a babysitting arrangement so I can get out once a week or so. And I need to get outside more with and without the kids. Luckily my kids love to be outdoors and go on hikes.

I definitely am embarrassed by my recent posts and appreciate everyone who read and weighed in. I guess I’m not giving up on DB. In fact, I have a clearer sense of the differences between detachment, denial, PMA and hope.