Jim0987 #8 - A bit clearer on the rebuild

[Vanilla]

The wriggling is yours Jim.

Jim here is one of your early posts to me. A very good 2x4. I recollect having had a great deal of acceptance of my "faults" in my M and its demise. I felt guilty wanted to rectify and accepted the spew (contempt: I called it then) and did not want to repeat my errors (relapse). I will give you the link to my faults if needed but some overlap with yours and yes there was validity.

Here is what a very wise DBer posted to me, I return it to you with thanks, it changed my thought process.

I think I have a better understanding now and that must be really hard for you. Guilt is a big deal but accepting contempt isn't going to help you deal with that guilt, I'd question if it helps in the short term

I've felt guilty about a range of things and as a result I've caved and not had boundaries (many other reasons as well but stick with simplicity for the moment) all that happened is that I made it OK to be treated poorly - did I feel better? Not even slightly, it made me get more snarky and resentful.

Boundaries are to protect you. Letting someone else violate them isn't going to help with guilt - its just going to hurt in different ways. Making meaningful changes to you, banishing the screaming banshee, that's the stuff that will help.

Can you think of a way to tackle the fear on relapsing. If you worry about it you make it more likely.

Kindly

Vanilla