Jim0987 #8 - A bit clearer on the rebuild

[edz]

Hi Jim

If you feel you want to reconcile then you do, don't beat yourself up about it. I really don't want to go back to the way w s and I were before bd, in our own ways we were all miserable but no one wanted to press the detonate button till bd. I look upon the options as all going forward, of course the ideal would be w and I working out what we need to do to move forward together but under no circumstances going back.

As to your questions, does it make any difference? Well yes and no. As I said your w probably meant it all but it doesn't mean she will tomorrow, next week, next month. Right now it seems to me from the info you've relayed that the absolutely best thing is for you both to have your own space. I understand your worries on what w will do when not there but right now I think the advantages of detaching will be legion.

Its not an easy thing to do and I'm still tackling it at times but being in"my space" has saved my sanity.

I'd say you really will need to drop artificial deadlines and endings though. This was what gave me hell in September with birthdays and Christmas looming I got into a constant panic and over analysed everything w said, texted etc. Once id moved I was too busy spring the place out to obsess and then one day when mil pushed my buttons one more time something changed.

Ill leave your question for wonka alone as I truly don't have the experience to answer that one right now. I can only answer most questions from my experience or feelings and right now I can say I'm sometimes lonely, I realised this situation doesn't mean losing s in fact its probably saved my future with him but I still want w to rejoin me so why wouldn't you want your w back if you still care?

If my w ultimately doesn't want to go forward I know I'll be hurt and I'll mourn but I feel more than ever I will make every effort to be happy and find someone to share my future with. Time will tell but I won't allow the same loneliness in a relationship ever again as in a lot of ways that was much, much worse.