I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

Thank you. You have many good points. I think that maybe I'm not really done and I will start trying to do some DBing while we go through this D/S process.

I met with the lawyer and she was talking about writing up an agreement. We can either have an S agreement or a D agreement, they are basically the same. The key is that the two of us need to figure out a lot of stuff before this agreement can be written up, and a lot of it is dealing with things we probably should have dealt with as a couple. I am optimistic that this will be a good process for us.

He called me this evening to ask me how it went. I hate that I am so honest with him and he is so secretive. After getting off the phone I realized how much I resented giving him so much information when he can't even tell me if he is coming home at night. So I called him back and I told him that I don't mind being open with him, and I have nothing to hide--but I am feeling like he is holding back from me and that makes me uncomfortable. And if he expects me to be honest and open with him I expect the same from him.

He seemed to respond to that ok, but he has a tendency to yes me and then behave differently.

I figure I have some time. I can go back to DBing and I don't have to file for D--although I am still pretty sure I want to get out of that apartment ASAP. I'm not doing anything until the agreement is written, and we have a lot of work to do to get to that point. Maybe it will be good for us.

ETA: I did also bring up the fact that he felt I didn't support him when he was unhappy. I told him that I was surprised because I felt like I was supportive but maybe just not in the way we wanted me to be--but I didn't know. I left it at that. Now I will make a new commitment to DBing.