I'd suggest that you take the bull by the horns by retaining a L and file for a D. Work with your L to work out the financial and legal terms. Tell him/her your very bottom line. Then have your L serve your W with D papers. No more negotiating with your W because she's always changing the goalposts to suit her needs. It is all about her. It's incredibly unfair to you.
It's time for you to stop tiptoeing around W and take charge of your own affairs. If W doesn't like what your L proposes to her L, then go to Court. It is very important to look out for your own interests....NOW. Not later, not next week.
Your W is very self-absorbed and needs to learn some hard lessons by her lonesome self.
Time for you to look the other way and start carving a life that is YOUR own. Take back your true power.
As you know, a D doesn't always spell the end of things between you and W. We've had a number of successful reconciliations long after the D papers were signed. I hold up Mish's and Crimson's situations as examples.
