Tsquared2, I will have to do this in sections so that I can look up at each thing you have written.
Afraid of...hmm..
If H stays, I am afraid I will let my (currently) overpowering emotions out, with resentment and hatred...it is truly a thin line between love and hate. we will wind up really disliking each other, and that is not where we currently are. I am afraid that his entire fantasy land situation will continue to enable all the unacceptable behavior that he is acting out, not in my presence.
-How might YOU feel about his possible financial hardship? Would you be at peace with yourself? Will you be able to say "no" and let him live the consequences of his choices?
Ok, so I would probably feel bad about his financial hardship, and it will be tight for me, as well. Shouldn't he live the consequences of his choices?
If H stays, I am afraid I will let my (currently) overpowering emotions out, with resentment and hatred...it is truly a thin line between love and hate. we will wind up really disliking each other, and that is not where we currently are.
Sure about that? Sounds different to me from what you've posted:
Quote:
We get along fine, because he is in cake-land, and I am... faking a lot.
I am seething below the surface with my husband, but we are getting along ok, because I am being fake most of the time... which is so unlike me. I am building up some serious resentment, and I feel embarrassed that people know my husband is looking elsewhere.
How would I explain that without him thinking that I am mad at him?
What is the deeper fear underneath that ^^^ surface fear?
Quote:
If he leaves I am afraid that that will be it for us...all.
Why does that scare you? There is a core fear generating this fear, and the surface fears...
Please take you time in mulling these over... no rush, no rush to decide to ask him to leave either, or decide to let him stay...
You need to get good with YOU first...
Just my 2.5 cents...
Last edited by TSquared2; 12/29/1409:19 PM.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Is the current arrangement working for YOU? How long might you be able to wait him out? Would waiting til spring, with a forewarning in January, when he could have more work, give you peace, and him time to consider his options?
No, the current situation is starting to drive me insane. I will consider that discussion.
Love, obligation, the difference, and which one I feel....who knows?!?
Anger is the outward expression of fear (especially for guys), use that anger not to decide what to do (right now), but use it to dig into the fear within you that lies below it, it's root.
For me, the fear of losing my stbxw was rooted in fear of abandonment, caused by the death of my grandfather who was more like a real Dad to me, than my own father was, whom (at that time) love was pretty conditional.
Use the anger to propel you forward, into more GAL activities, being the best parent you can be, for looking within and determine what you want your life to look like 5 years from now, with or without, H, and how to get there.
Last edited by TSquared2; 12/29/1409:47 PM.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
