Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

Just a question... I've said before I've read sitches here where the LBS does spend time with the wayward WAS. Around kids mostly. Just a time to create a positive interaction. Painful to do... no expectations. Jan just did that successfully.

I have another opportunity to do this. W just came to pick up S11. I sent him down... did not see her.

She then texts... "Hey... any chance we can do lunch together for S11's birthday?"

So... my goal is to create a new, stronger more happier me while maybe creating a new M with my W. Each of us new better people in a new M as we did discuss in one of our R talks long ago.

Right now, I've gone pitch dark. Only responding to her S11 messages.

She has called me a mofo/avoider and I called her a F*cking B!tch as recently as a few days ago.

She would be happiest if I was just friendly nice guy/BFF accepting her A and her choices like good TV husbands do.

The easy answer, as I am pitch black dark, is to ignore this request. I can't be friends with her while she's behaving this way. I also let her feel the consequences of her actions.

But accepting her wishes and feelings is important too right? It seems not at this point. She knows exactly how I feel. She won't act like my W... she doesn't get me at all. We're not friends. She gave me his birthday and S11 knows that.

I get stuck here. After everything I've done... she keeps saying I'm not acting like and adult and I'm the avoider b/c I don't respond to her, don't see her, and don't accept her invitations to hang out together as a family. Though I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do... that bothers me.

Hell.. why would she even ask this again? It is the same as before... for her guilt and so she can have happy family and her dreams. Making me the bad guy b/c I'm not tolerating her truth.

So I'll start answering these. I think Starsky has something better than "No thank you W."

Do I keep ignoring or denying these pokes from her, keep hitting her with truth darts, or do I just go and fake it. I want to stop pushing her away. I don't want to be at all like the hurt guy anymore.

I'm thinking... "No W... I already have plans for lunch with S11. Thanks." No truth dart. Just truth.

How's that?