Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[Bob723]

My wife and I have been married 13 ½ years. I am 54 and she is 51. My wife walked away 10 weeks ago yesterday and filed for divorce the next day. I was gone for the weekend to see my son at college and when I got home both she and our dog were gone. We only have one car so I knew something was very wrong. I found out she is staying about 3 ½ hours away with her mom/stepdad. She sent me a text stating “I need space from you now.” We had an argument the previous Thursday night which I started and kept on for about 1 hour. I started it when she was already in bed and she asked me if it could wait until the morning. I felt she lied about something but that gave me no right to be selfish and uncompassionate and kept on. Anyhow, after a few weeks of being separated, our communication increased. My WAW even mentioned several times she was thinking of coming home for a few days to see how things go between us. I agreed and said I would like that. 3 weeks ago yesterday was the last time we spoke on the phone. I really blew it. I asked if she was considering coming home that upcoming weekend and she said “no.” I said I understood and then asked about the next weekend. After a slight pause, she said that she felt like I was pressuring her. I apologized, and mentioned I was under the impression it would be soon. What reason did she give for leaving and filing for divorce? She said she felt smothered by me and couldn’t stand the recent arguments were having. I understand her point on both. She has a neurological disorder so I she would need my help often and I never refused. But it sounds like I overdid it and started, in her opinion, making decisions for her instead of trusting her judgment. Our next court date is in about 1 month. I should mention that she asked me at one point to “get help” because I was under a tremendous about of stress. Like a fool, I did not listen to her. She knows I’m seeing a therapist and I’m on an anti-anxiety medication. She also mentioned many times (early on) to “Don’t give up on yourself.” When I asked if she thought could reconcile someday (I know now, not good to do) she said, “I’m not sure if we can make it. But look at Mike and Gloria (names changed).” Her point was that “Gloria” filed for divorce and at the last moment in court, changed her mind. I have been initiating contact most of the time with texts. I know it’s going to push her further away, so I am on day 6 of not contacting her. I truly have had an awakening because of all this. What else, besides not contacting her, can I do so she’ll believe I’m working harder on myself than I ever have? It’s tough because she doesn’t seem to want to speak on the phone. Could she be saving me from myself? That last talk I got emotional, and as I already mentioned, was trying to get her to come home before she felt ready. I wonder if she is leading me on. Only she knows, of course. Once, she briefly mentioned that "she'll know if I've changed." The only thing I can think of is backing off. My wife has MS and has said she feels "not great, but relieved" that she doesn't have to live up to my expectations or disappoint me. I apologized to her for coming across that way and let her know I always understood. BTW, I just finished reading Michelle’s book DR, it is excellent.
Obviously, she is depressed. The chapter about delaing with a depressed spouse in DR was helpful.

Any ideas?

Thank you very much

Bob723