Well, FIL ignored me the whole time and we all had a good laugh about it after he went to bed. I really can't take it personally because that's just his personality. If H and I fully reconcile, FIL will come around eventually (and H has said that he will do what he can to help repair that relationship).
I am a little more confused by my interactions with H. On Saturday, H said that one of his goals on this trip was to show that he cares for me. I told him that, right now, affection is the best way for me to hear that message. Knowing that asking outright for more affection has backfired in the past, I didn't make any specific requests. But honestly, he'd have to be willfully obtuse at this point to not know that it hurts me when he doesn't do it.
So I went into the day with zero expectations, but some hope. D7 slept most of the way there and back (2.5 hrs each way), so H and I were able to have some good (non-R) conversations in the car. He dropped us off at my mom's house first and we spent a few hours there with her husband and his kids. Then H picked us up and we went to do an activity with his family. During the activity, H mostly talked to his family, which was absolutely fine. At one point he did invite me to sit down with him at a table, but otherwise we didn't really interact much.
After the activity, we went to H's parents' house to exchange presents. D7 asked if she could ride with her cousins, so H and I had some alone time in the car. I was not planning to initiate any R conversations yesterday, but as soon as we were in the car H asked me how I was doing. I told him I was great and that I was glad to be there. He pressed me for more feedback and I told him that he was being friendly and we were getting along well but if I had to be honest, I did notice that he hadn't touched me all day. H said, "That's so hard for me to hear, because I feel like I'm trying so hard. The whole time at the activity I was wondering if I was standing close enough to you or paying enough attention to you."
I tried to validate by telling him that it must be hard to feel like he's on eggshells around me when he's trying to have a good time with his family. I told him I wasn't upset (and I really wasn't) and encouraged him not to worry about the small details like how close he's standing to me or how much he talks to me vs. someone else. I said that really, all he needed to do to show he cares is to touch me a few times during the day. He seemed skeptical that I would really be okay with "just" that but I tried to reassure him that I would be. Again, I didn't make any direct requests but just tried to give him a way "out" of the predicament he was in.
We had cake and ice cream (it was also MIL's birthday) and opened presents and then finally H came over and sat next to me and put his hand on my knee. And I appreciated it for what it was -- H trying to respond to me.
I would not say this to H, but sometimes I feel like he's being a little passive-aggressive with the physical touch. He'll make a gesture, but it will be awkward or (for lack of a better word) lame (like the hug equivalent of a limp handshake). I actually wonder if he's holding back on purpose to see if I will say something so that he can play the martyr card -- "I did what you asked me to and it's STILL not enough???? I'm never going to do that again!" I mean, that type of exchange has definitely happened but I don't know if he intends for it to happen or not. Either way, I decided that I'm not going to play that game anymore.
