Thank you so much for taking the time to post. I am on my phone as always and will try to touch on all the great questions you pose
So A : date night. No we have not. Funny you say that. I recently brought up to H. You haven't planned a date night for us recently (in a joking tone but not really joking) he said he knows we are both busy with work and the holidays and he was waiting for those to pass. I told him as our MC told us I thought it was important for us to have date nights doing anything as long as it involved just the two of us. He really went out of his way for the first few months. We even took weekends away. We haven't had one since the beginning of November, unless you count wrapping presents lol
I think where we are really hurting is MC. We haven't been together in awhile. He is not at fault for that it is 90% on me ... He told me he will go whenever I can go that I just need to make the appt based on my schedule and he will be there. So I really need to change that and make an appt for us to start going regularly together
So as far as telling H what I need. I am great at telling him what bothers me but not great at offering a solution always. I can tell him how he makes me feel but not how he can change it ... For example as I wrote before I told him I felt I annoy him. He gives me yes no ok short answers. He lacks physical touch besides sex. I mean I get a kiss before and after work but no physical touch when we are out and about like he was for the first few months. I'm not saying I'm into full PDA because I am not but I do like when he holds my hand for no reason, wraps his arms around me, or just touches me. I haven't said too much on that subject either.
Piecing for me has been so much harder for me. Like You said you have to go from being independent to a team. And not only a team but rebuilding something that was broken especially with trust issues and a precious A. I fear I let H back in too easily. Financially we really couldn't afford to sustain two households (yes I'm making excuses) but he had already ran himself into so much debt. Again I know it's his problem but our MC was fully supportive of him moving back in as we discussed it a lot. However our R was seamless. My family welcomed him with open arms. He never really struggled much so I dont know if he appreciates our M or me as much as he would had he had to work harder. Oh well ... Coulda woulda shoulda right
Him feeling inferior to me has always been an issue. I am very independent and strong willed. It may not have sounded that way during my posts in our S but I really am! I am take charge and H is more laid back. I now make more money than him. I think that is a big issue too. Luckily financial arguments havenf been an issue but I am paying much more of the bills than he is due to his pay cut and accumulated debt. Then I get to thinking... Seriously! I'm paying more for you to live here so you can pay off your debt from when You were with OW! Totally unfair ... But it's the choice I made.
So I need to be clear about what I NEED not just what bothers me. I need you to do XYZ not ABC bothers me.
And really what on earth do we talk about?!? I sat there wondering that tonight. What do people talk about that don't have children and responsibilities! I haven't brought up the A/D/S since my last meltdown in the beginning of October. We talk a lot about the boys and our house projects and work.
So anyway thank you Train ... I am sorry this is probably all jumbled as usually. I can't keep a clear concise thought to save my life. I hope all is well in your neck of the woods and with your daughter
