Hi BF, Glad to hear that you were able to stay calm about H's visit. I too have seen my W a few times over this holiday and have noticed some of the same things you have. I will say that my W is much more able to actually look me in the eyes when she speaks to me, something she hasn't done since she left. But I also have been able to just look at her as a (not so close) "friend". I don't see myself seeing her as someone I would WANT to have a R with if not for our shared history and family. If not for the fact that who she is now is NOTHING like who she was for the last 25 years. So, who IS she? Is she the person she is now or is this just a temporary personality change due to her MLC? Do I decide that this is who she will be from now on or do I hold out some hope that some of the better traits she had in the past will come back? I think this is the same kind of thing that you may be experiencing when you ask "What is it I'm still in love with".
I think it's hard for all us LBS's to except that the person we knew for so very long can change as much as they have in so short a time. Our minds want to see them as they were. I think it is only natural. The craziness is so new when compared to how long they weren't like this. The problem is the time it takes them to come through this, if they ever come through at all. Like you are finding, it may just be that by the time they start to wake up, we have had enough and NEED to move on, if only to keep our sanity.
I wish you luck, no matter what you decide. Only you know when you have had enough, when you need to protect yourself. Whatever you decide just know that you WILL have a great life if you decide that is what you will have. Your future is in YOUR hands. It's up to no one but you how it will go.
