Maybell XXV: Moving Toward the Lighthouse

[labug]

Similarly to what Gbelle said, you don't need to take on 100% of the responsibility for what happened. But it's probably not 0% either, but rather somewhere in-between. All we can do is recognize our behaviors and attitudes that contributed, and work on those. Yes, our H's have their own issues, and we can't do anything about them, and who knows what % of the contribution those are (trying to define it will get us nowhere productive). If you do everything within your circle of influence and he does nothing/is still uninterested... now you're ready for the next things that come your way I do agree that the emphasis on how we have to carry 100% of the effort right now, etc., makes it feel like it's all us that is the problem... but it's really not. That's just the only thing we have the power to fix. Our H's issues are theirs, but it's good to keep in mind that those are there, too, and the collapse of our M's is not all our responsibility.

There are probably a gazillion books and websites out there about what makes a relationship "good" And the real answer is going to vary a lot from person to person and couple to couple. To me, it involves hearing the other person and respecting and acknowledging their point of view (which I think manifests itself in meeting R needs and speaking love languages), honest and open communication, and some shared values and goals. I think I've read in books or articles that working together towards those values and goals is key. I have friends whose spouses have very different interests and hobbies than their own but at the end of the day they still enjoy spending time together, have some shared values about what's important in life and who they would like to be as adults, things like that. "Compatibility" is kind of a mysterious term. I don't think it has to mean you both like camping, or dogs, or whatever, but moreso how you communicate and view the world, maybe?

I was going to post but K beat me to it. This girl's go IT!