Thanks for responding to my posts. Sorry I didn't respond previously! I have been switching back and forth between my phone and computer and somehow have been missing posts from people.
I have been playing a victim role haven't I? I honestly haven't been thinking much about myself at all these last 3 months. I guess I've been so caught up in pleasing H that I've forgotten how important I am too. It can be so hard when your self-worth is so low. And right now, mine is pretty rock bottom considering all that's happened. Hopefully admitting that will help me rectify it.
It's a harsh truth that you and many others have pointed out to me on here: it probably is just sex for H. In the beginning, he was tender and his confusion and emotion were there. Now, his harshness and coldness make me feel otherwise. I woke up today feeling completely used. This man, who I love dearly, has done some pretty terrible things to me in the last few months. And even at my worst, I do not deserve to be treated like I'm nothing. The hardest part for me in all of this is that I truly believe my H is one of the best people I've ever known. He treats everyone with respect, has a kind heart, cares for others, and is someone I used to aspire to be like. It's been hard for me to know how to handle this situation bc I think of the H I was married to, that I've known and loved for the last 5 years, and that H and this H's actions are completely different. I keep hoping the old H will come back, but I have to trust his actions. And so far, that H is nowhere to be found.
I may have made several mistakes in our M, but I have also worked hard to change several things and correct some of my mistakes. Maybe not enough to make H believe in the marriage, but enough to make myself believe that I am worth more.
Feeling used is a horrible feeling. I've never felt this way before and have surely never expected to feel this way with someone I married. I will not be sleeping with H again and plan to distance myself from him completely as much as possible.
Can I ask when you and your XH finally stopped sleeping together? What was the end game? What happened there?
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
