Requesting support and direction

[Andy125]

Thanks for the replys! Just an update. So the last couple of days have been tough. We have been doing the Christmas scene with all of the various family events. I felt it was very positive that about a week ago we had a conversation, and we were both going to participate in our families events. Unfortunately when it came to going to my folks place my W didn't go. She was held over at work (works 3rd shift) and decided she needed the sleep instead of going. That situation was further complicated when I came home after the event with no gift from my mother to her. I had hoped that it wouldn't be brought up but she noticed and said something. Honestly I'm not sure why there wasn't one, but that's a separate subject.

We then went to Christmas at her grandmothers wich went pretty well. I did notice her on her phone texting from time to time. In the past that has been the OM, and can't really thjbk it would be anyone else.... I know that is something I can't help or change. The texting or FB messaging is still very much a trigger for me. I try my best not to show it, but when she starts being sucked into her phone it gets unde my skin. Lately she has even started answering when we are talking mid conversation. FB is her and these OM primary way to communicate. I think some of the time she does it just to see how I will react, because it has been a fighting point in the past. I have actually been using it as a means to gauge just how detached i am being... When I'm more detached it bothers me less.

i have been trying my best to give her the space that she has said she needs. I've also been trying to be there for her when she needs it and try to support her as well. It does at times feel like I'm being taken advantage of. That she gets to continue this online EA, and I only count for the day to day logistics. I have been doing 180 on a lot of these things, she wanted space, so I'm trying my best to give it to her. I'm also GAL to help her feel that I'm doing my own stuff. I've stopped being angry, and have stopped as best I can the presue mentality (that one is a work in progress). I do more around the house... Hell you could probably say that I do most of the house work. I also am trying to show in more decisive making decisin as opposed to the old "I don't care what do you want to do" response.

Really the big one has been the down in the dumps attitude. When this all kicked off at the beginning of Sept she told me that I was a miserable person to love with. After a lot of soul searching and looking at things from her perspective I can absolutely see how that was the case. I'm really working on making that change. I've tried to be a better listener, and more supportive. Despite being tired and aggravated at work I've been more up beat and less inclined to be negative. I've never really felt I've been a bad father but I've made sure to focus on my kids more where I can. Honestly I'm not too sure what else I can do a 180 on.

@TLEE86 to be perfectly honest with you your question about what void these OM are filling and what I need to do to meet that need is a great one. I've been racking my brain to figure that one out. I think It probably comes down to conversation. She has said that its nice to talk to someone who has different experiences in their part of the world. I know with this current guy she is planning on taking a trip to Australia this summer. I honestly wish I could figure out what her need was I am not meeting... But I think that your question might truely be the key to a lot of this...

It's this OM EA stuff that just gets me... I don't know what I'm doing wrong... Or what I need to do to support that ending.