Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[UpperCu]

If you can access an amazon kindle or the app on your phone, another similar book is Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson.

[Complex]

Thanks UpperCut..wise young man you are
I'm surprised how long t took me to realize what's going on and accept it and know what I can do and what I can't. But I'm getting there.
The beginning of my trip was absolutely horrible... But after a week and a half I realized it's actually very good to be away from everything. At first I felt bad because I left unfixed things behind me, until I realized I need to fix myself first and refresh my mind. It helped detaching too.
In house separation seems tough. The concept of detaching and starting to breath again and GAL has such high value. I can only recommend everyone to get away from their misery for a bit if they can afford it.

I found a book online which I'm reading right now. It seems to teach the same techniques.

Has anyone here ever had telephone coaching? If so, how valuable was it? I'm thinking about it but money is rather tight right now since we bought a place.

Thanks

[UpperCu]

I personally haven't sprung for telephone coaching, but am seeking counsel from my pastor (free) and a marriage counselor ($35/session & covered under insurance as mental health therapy). There are obviously "other" cheaper alternatives to a DB coach, but even still, a DB coach is cheaper than an attorney... My attorney visit cost $250 (for 1 hr initial consultation) and he quickly oted $1500 for separation agreement, which is comparable to others in my town. I shopped around before visiting...

Another option if your sitch goes the route of S or D is to visit a mediator before going to an atty. Mediators are typically therapists and bill as such, much cheaper, and would therefore help you save on atty fees.

[Complex]

Thanks. I'll look at my counseling options when I'm back. I just can't slack. I feel more positive about everything...at least in theory.
We will see how I feel when I live with her under one roof again in a week. Then I really have to step up my hand and stay detached and GAL for real.
Attorney or anything wasn't in the discussion yet at all and the circumstances are pushing this back to more like mid/end of next year, which is buying me a lot of time. And what's money compared to marriage anyway...

[Complex]

So I'll be back in a week and I have to prepare myself for the in-home separation did anyone do this before and do you have any tips what to do and what not to do? I'd appreciate so much to hear some experience!!!
I'm planning on focusing on work, not be home toooo much. But we will be together at home at night at least a couple times a week. There will be family obligations too. How do you run a household like this. I will keep detaching and GAL, be very strong and confident.
Is there another thread regarding separation/in-home separation? Couldn't find anything.

Thanks!!!!

[UpperCu]

Hey Complex,

In my sitch after my W came home sating it was over with OM (she had one more romp after I figured everything out) we were under the same roof for a little over 2 months. It was rough. Best advice I can offer you is to plan out every day for yourself. Don't leave any time in "hope" your W will invite you someplace or will make time for you or want to join you in whatever you have going on. She probably won't give you the time of day you're hoping for and that expectation will leave you in a bad place, so decide for yourself now how you'll be.

Are you and she sleeping in separate beds?

[Complex]

Planning on moving me or her to the guest room. Guess it's better.

I'm more worried that she's being too nice all the time, also out of a habit.
She wants to play "friends" it seems like. And she feels terrible about everything still.
Question: Is it a good idea to talk to her in a week or two (not right after I comd back on Monday) and tell her she should stop playing nice, stop lying, respect me and give me space so I can figure out my own stuff?
I feel like I really need to take charge of the situation now and basically let her know that I'm over this immature behaviour and want to move on with my life and that I still don't want this but I won't stand in her way.

[Mozza]

About our recent discussion of OM: Card29 also thought there was probably no one for the longest time. He just found out that his W had an A for... seven months.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2522280#Post2522280

[sandi2]

So I'll be back in a week and I have to prepare myself for the in-home separation did anyone do this before

All the time. However, not many are able to live as though they are really separated. It is extremely difficult (by all accounts).

My tip is to separate the bank accounts. Divide the bills 50-50, or based on percentage of income. She should experience what life without you is like. If she wants separation, give it to her.

I believe you will discover she wants everything to be on her terms.

[Complex]

I figured it will be very hard. I feel so confident and detached right now, but I know exactly I'll be very challenged once I'm back.
I'll keep my challenges posted here. I'm reading so much in this forum all the time, it's really helping. But I probably need to get some professional guidance because I'm afraid I will make mistakes and I need some hand on advice exactly for my situation.
What do you mean by I will discover she wants everything on her terms?