New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[MCS]

Yep, I go through the same thing. Some days, it hits me about all of the stuff that she has done, the cover-ups for the A, the acting like everything was okay, the blaming me for everything, leaving the kids, buying a house, telling people lies about me and saying I've destroyed her self esteem, etc.

Then something happens, I see a sign. It could be a sermon at church, one of those "thoughts" that pops into your head when you're praying, a sappy comercial, a seemingly random interaction with somebody that says something that comforts me, or sometimes I just stare off in the distance and think. Then I'm back in, I get a renewed feeling that we had something special and W is lost right now.

This is normal. Detaching is not easy or pretty, but it seems to be essential. Why? Because it helps us be okay with the outcome regardless if it is with our W or not. I look at myself and know I'm going to be happy someday, with someone. I hope today that that someone is my W, but not the person my W is right now. The person I see now is not good, especially for our R. We need to be patient.

My mom's friend just got back together with her H after 5 years! They never got divorced, have been separated. Both had long term R in that time. Know what the W said to my mom? "I'm not sure what I was thinking when we S. He had his faults, but they were small. The challenges of life are still there, it wasn't the marriage causing it"

Now, I'm not sure if 5 years is in my cards, and I pray there would be resolution before that, but don't let go of hope. Remember, this is not in your hands right now. Have faith and relinquish as much of that interfering free will that you can and understand there is a plan in all of our sitchs, we are only seeing it one step at a time.