Mozza (6) + List of success stories

[Vanilla]

Mozza, I have been considering my reply to the call for female responses. I do need to say that although nearly a WAW, I am not wayward and can't add that aspect to my response (as Sandi would gently caution).

This email is a very important insight in the relationship (as was) between Mozza and Mrs M at that stage. I think it's important that we note W sent the email when she knew you would not be there to discuss it immediately. I think it's also interesting that she chose email and I wonder if that is her preference. Mozza all of this is past, the only thing Mozza can do is leave this behind him, learn and move on.

I found an email that my W sent me in early August, one month before BD and one week before her new job and meeting OM. That day, I was out at an amusement park with D6 for the day (D6 had won 2 tickets), W was home with D3 and I was giving W the silent treatment for not trying to solve our fights in the past months. She was distressed by this. Here are a few excerpts.

"I can't remember the last time I was this unhappy about our relationship. I'm reaching out to friends for support. I wonder if we are really, at bottom, mismatched together. We both know how different we are, but such clashes are so terrible and destructive and the lack of communication makes it all so much worse."

This is a simple statement of W feelings. My evaluation is it is insightful, well worded and probably well considered


"I can't believe how much I can hate you, how much I can hurt you, how much I disappoint you or resent you. I feel such negativity emanating from us, like we are some toxic thing. I wish there was a way to take a break from each other without hurting each other. When I was on holiday I felt fine and happy. How can I be back and so miserable?"

this sentence is a mix of mind reading by W and her feelings. It comes across as confused. It is also a clear request for space.

"I don't care: I want to dull the pain. I can't leave, so I can only escape in my head: medication, reading, music, movies. Im sure this is costing you too, somehow. (...) When I think of you, I get nervous."

"Perhaps this is all stemming from my need to be understood. Which I feel you're not. Or if you do understand me, then you do not love what you see, you don't accept it."

"I've stopped expecting you to respond in any kind of way. Or just to expect your response will be satisfactory. That I'll ever get a response free from criticism, ever. It makes me even sadder."


Mozza this is key, it is confused and muddled but a reach for warmth and positivity from you. A simple "W, I don't understand all your feelings but I can see why you have them, this is clearly not a good place for you, come for a hug and let's talk this through when you are ready"

She also mentions taking her meds and alcohol to numb the pain. W was not drinking at the time, especially not alone (ever).

The email is a mix of well thought out wording, crie de coeur and raw pain. A great deal of analysis won't help you. W feelings, thoughts and emotions are all her own.

It will not help you to hit yourself with a hammer on this, but I go back to earlier posts of yours on criticisms and judgements of W and in particular your D6. These I found very concerning , but Mozza has moved on since then. He is in a different space.

My sense Mozza is that your 180 is likely to be very different. DB is about doing that which works, and if being more open and indeed even a little noodle is a 180 then do it. But it doesn't mean accepting or condoning wayward behaviour, videos, or OM of any kind. This may mean especially with your D6 softness care love and no criticism or judgement together with demonstrating this. detachment is your key here. Your questions were very specific for your female DB pals but I don't believe i can give you the comforting answer that you seek.

W is on a journey and you will have to let her take it. She may be also seeking to release her own resentment by making you aware of her behaviour or it may be a mistaken case of bravado etc. who knows what crazy thoughts are there? detach let go of judgement and work on you. Well done for removing FB, you don't have to be aware of all of the rubbish.

I would caution you to keep a copy of the MP4 stored somewhere out of reach like your L office. W life style choices are poor and now you need to protect yourself and those precious children.

When W eventually emerges as eventually she must then Mozza will need every practiced DB technique not to revert to old patterns. These changes are made for the best. My last post on your thread I left you with questions, some of them are now resolved, and I trust the rest on their way to being worked on.
Mozza there is little left to say other than you are only beginning the next phase of your journey and I wish you peace.
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