barley floating -- THANKS! I thought this thread needed a defibrillator. In order to get concise answers I will give concise feedback:
The back story to our marriage in my original post, I think? You saying this makes me wonder if I even did a got job laying that out. With that, the first nine years or our relationship, first five married were good from my end. She was an amazing wife. I have no complaints until, perhaps, Janurary-February of this year, when she started to change, from what now appears to have been detachment.
I think she would tell you that there is A LOT about the marriage she didn't like NOW but I think that comes from her rationalization during detachment. I think we had a great marriage, with a lot of fun and trips together, real quality time together. Then we had our D, who was actually an accident (even for a married couple! We thought she could bot get prego). D is amazing but has tested us in the relationship and that's when the cracks probably started. Ever since D started walking (we use to take her out all the time when she was still in the 'bucket') it has been a lot of work and we have not made enough time for each other.
I am confident she was 'unhappy' with how things were in Janurary-February of this past year but was not far gone from how she felt, the she "misses us terribly". 2013 was a busy work year for me and our marriage suffered. I do feel a sense of ownership for that but only up to that point. When I first found out about the OM and we went to MC, I took on WAY more responsibility for our problems, which I have since pulled back from BUT she doesn't know that because we are not talking about anything other than our D! Do I need to tell her this? I don't think it matters right now. It's only been six weeks and I am not a priority for her right now. *FEEDBACK PLEASE*
Looking back to the spring, when I began to realize her disconnect, I made attempts to improve the marriage. She never gave me feedback that it was wrong or too late, or not what she needed. It was like we were separated in a crown and when I turned to try and find her, she was a mile up the road and not looking back. We had some 'good' moments, like birthdays and get togethers with friends but I think she's been emotionally gone for a long time. It makes me really sad to realize this and write about it because in typical fashion, I didn't realize what was happening until it was so late in the game. I f-cking loved that girl so much but I am so sure she doesn't exist anymore. It is like another soul is living in my wife's body because when I see her and talk to her, it literally has no affect on me. No kidding, this is the honest to god truth.
So THAT'S the back story.
For Christmas, I relaxed at home while she took D to her parents. We met later that evening so I could take D home and she went back to parents. I am glad I did not go. My sense tells me that she wants me in her life, for family etc, but not has her husband. In my mind I am either her husband, or ex-husband and amicable father to our D. I don't think she should be allowed to pick the things she likes and leaves behind the things she does not. There are a lot of things about my wife that I overlooked for ten years because I accepted her for her. Anything else to me seems unreasonable. *FEEDBACK PLEASE*
GREAT morning with D, soccer and time at the before WAW came home and we swapped. For me, today has been a weird day. Can't pin a name on the emotion but spent time thinking about how to handle the off chance WAW does try and come back, because every day that goes by, I feel more and more like I don't want her back. I don't know her anymore. I don't know if I like her as a person. She has done a lot of damage and wonder if she'd do it again. I don't want to subject my daughter's childhood on a confusing relationship with her parents. *FEEDBACK PLEASE*
I have not contacted the OM's wife. I am totally capable of handling that, I have even met her a few times. What I DO NOT want right is someone that might become dependent on me (what should we do!?) or another side show to deal with. I am focused on #1 D, #2 me, #3 work, #4 church (catholic) and feel like I have a full plate.
That's all from here. LOVE any and all feedback! It means way more than you probably know. THANK YOU!!
_________________________ Me:44. WAW:35. Amazing Daughter 2.5 M:5.5. Together for 10. Bomb dropped:11/11/14 Separated:11/30/14
