Oyster stew? Hmm.. that sounds like an interesting tradition.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Yes, I believe oyster stew is a German tradition. It's an acquired taste.
D17, s13 and I are staying at my parent's house for the night. I just want them to spend time together. We've played games, I got the old Super Nintendo system working, and the kids and I played Super Mario 3 (!!) together. I cleared the final boss and recovered the wand on the first level, but d17 is the much better player. That's as far as we got.
This gave me a weird feeling - d20 spent last night with my W and d17 and s13 before I picked them up. W reportedly lost it when asked about d18 in Boston. But then just gushed about having d20 sleep in the same bed as her.
The weird feeling is that d20 lives with me and is in MY corner. She hasn't had much of a R with W for the past year and a half. In one part of my mind, I'm happy there is healing in their R, it's healthier for everyone. But gosh darn it, I kinda want her to still hold a grudge against W. Goofy reaction?
D17 told me today that W's bf (a woman) has pancreatic cancer, and that she is given 2 years to live. W has been close to bf especially since BD.
I texted W to let her know that d17 told me about bf's cancer, and that I hoped W was doing ok thru this. W deflected my concern and replied that this is a death sentence and that bf is terrified.
W's sister also went thru pancreatic cancer a few years ago, and was able to get thru this. I mentioned how this experience W has b/c of sister's cancer will be a good support for what her bf is going thru. I then again asked if W was holding up thru this. And W again did not respond to my q's about how she was doing.
She isn't thinking so much about herself in this case but about her friend. Her not answering you about herself would lead me to believe that is true.
Don't try to connect to your W through something painful unless you are willing to be contacting the actual person. You just did this with her niece. Reach out to her friend. Ask if there is anything that you can do for her. Don't get into a conversation about your W, keep the focus on her and how you might be of help.
I know you are trying to connect with your W. She hasn't indicated that she is open to that, so please quit trying that. Cheese less tunnels.
Focus on you and your kids.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi Kat, you are right. Somewhat surprisingly my W appears primarily focused on her best friend's cancer and not on how this effects her.
I say surprisingly because of my W's MLC, which can make her to be self-focused - I say this given her reaction to my recent health scare. I do not know W's best friend very well, and so I will not contact her directly.
I tested the water, so to speak, as my last interaction with W was before Thanksgiving when she insisted we complete our divorce, and then just dropped it. So I learned nothing from contacting my W, and I will continue this week having no-contact with her.
So it is hard to kick my old ways. W called me and let me know she is giving up the lease for a photography studio that she shares with some other photographers. She says she can no longer afford it.
Instead of giving her words which showed I was listening, I thought about different ways to fix her problem. I felt guilty as my support payment is not yet paid this month. But I did back off, understanding that this is her decision alone. And the question keeps nagging me how she is able to afford her place without a job, and no longer having her studio.
I am enjoying having my s13 for this week. We are enjoying goofing around with each other, playing video games, and discussing important issues of the day, like who is the better offensive NBA player Seth Curry or Carmelo. This part of my life is going well.
Yay New Year! It is starting off well. I have removed my neck brace (from surgery 3 months ago), the stitches in my hand. And I worked out in the exercise room for the first time in 3 months. It feels good.
I had a good week and a half with s13. Just hung out together, played video games and enjoyed our time together.
S13 forgot his phone, and so a few days ago W called me to speak to son. He was typical teenage guy and used one word replies (grunts?) and was off the phone in 30 seconds. This was their only contact.
Today was something new, W called and asked me to bring s13 home early. Even 6 months ago, W wanted me to keep son as long as possible. Now she missed him, and I see this as only a good thing - where W is rebuilding her relationship and connection with son.
So I brought s13 back to W by noon. It made it a bit lonely watching the NFL playoff games, but I had plenty of sports watching with s13 during the past week and a half, so no complaining on my part.
You seem to be doing well and are getting good advice and commentary...... nice job!
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
