Maybell XXV: Moving Toward the Lighthouse

[Maybell]

Thanks, GB, and it wasn't a hijack. Everybody's story is instructive. It gives new perspective on the different ways we can and do respond to things around us.

I have no idea if our M can or should be saved. That's what makes me wobble so much. Yes, he has his own issues, and I struggle sometimes to remember that, and sometimes I'm so angry with him I focus on those without thinking of mine. I'd like to be more objective. Robx was right, but also a bit harsh in laying blame for the separation on the LBS.

Healthy people deal with their issues in more ways than avoiding, cheating, and running away.

I know ways I behaved that he didn't like. I don't think any of them were so significant that I deserved to be ignored, cheated on, and abandoned. I think had he been healthier I also would have been healthier. I think some of my unhealthy behaviors were an effort to compensate for some of his unhealthy behaviors. But I struggle to remember that with some of the messages here about change yourself first, be a spouse only a fool would leave, etc.

I'm MUCH better today than I was yesterday. I slept REALLY late this morning -- later than I EVER do, even when the kids were tiny, and I've been moving kind of slowly today, just trying to be kind to myself.

Thanks for the reassurance, GB and Jefe. I appreciate your checking in with me.