A new M--a new me, a new him!

[reachingHigher]

We had a fabulous Christmas!

Just like last year, H got me way more and way nicer things than I got him.

We had a talk yesterday while we were out at the old property of 20 acres that we are fixing up to sell.

We were standing on the prairie acreage…just him and me while S15 rode the four-wheeler around joyfully catching air over jumps and zig-zagging this way and that.

Somehow we got on the MLC topic and I asked H what he was looking for when he left.

I said,

“I don’t know but things don’t seem all that much different for you now you are back. What was it that you wanted most?”

He said that it was more a matter of looking … but finding the things that DIDN’T make him happy, not that did.

He said the girls, the drinking, the parties, were all a distraction. He said it was the “easy road” and something to delay the inevitable..looking inside and seeing who he really was and what he wanted in this life.

He said that he found out that you can’t have everything you want in life and you choose to be happy with the things you do have.

I asked if it was family, our boys, that seemed the main motivation to come back b/c that is how he acted.

He said emphatically no, it wasn’t. Our boys are disgruntled from time to time and he wants everything to be great. He said if we had D he wouldn’t have to see it and he suspected I would have pushed him out of our lives.

I told him that wasn’t the way the lawyer said it usually happened. Usually the men fade away slowly.

I didn’t want to push him any farther so I said nothing more about it.

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Anyway, I wanted to share this with some who are looking at their spouses wondering what is happening…what happened…why?

I would say from looking at my H, that he is a man at peace with himself, a man with peace about his life, his choices. He is exactly the end product that was described to me at the finish of a full MLC journey.

His journey of life continues, but he has battled the fire…actually we battled together (tears coming to my eyes now) and he was victorious!

I’m so proud of him!

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I find myself over these last couple of months…staring at him more, amazed at his features, his expressions, his actions, his support of me and anything I want.

I realized this morning…I think, after 2 years of reconciliation, I may be ready for a deeper level of true love. A level he spoke to me about two years ago this December when we had a dinner together at a diner…two weeks from expected final D.

I trust him, I am not afraid of love, and I feel like I am ready for a deeper and truer understanding of who I am and my own goals and dreams.

Cheers to all and wishing you a very Happy New Year!!!!