Maybell XXV: Moving Toward the Lighthouse

[Georgiabelle]

Maybell,

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. It is such a challenging time of year.

From the outsider's perspective, I think you are being too hard on yourself. You make it sound like no way could your h have possibly loved you the last few years. Perhaps you could have done things differently, however you were doing the best you could at the time. And just a reminder, while you can't change him, it is worth saying that your h has his own issues. You are not responsible for his issues and it sounds like you are trying to take blame for things that are not your responsibility.

Labug said something that really resonates with me and probably many others. Every marriage can't be saved (and I'm not advocating D or saying to file) and the reality is every M shouldn't be saved. Honestly (and it pains me to admit this) I believe I fall into the latter. It doesn't exactly make my day to hear that, however I have been told by mutilple people that I seem like a burden has been lifted off me and that I glow. Even though that surprises me, at my core, I know they are right. Ugh!!! My xh is not a bad person rather he is mentally ill and plays the victim in life. It's who is he and who he was for our M.

I didn't mean to hijack. Sorry-I do that sometimes. Just wanted to let you know you aren't a * bad* person. You are worthy of love.