I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

Deep breaths.

So I just had a talk with him. Told him I don't want to live here anymore and whether he comes with me or not doesn't matter. I told him I still love him and if he decides he wants to work on the marriage I will consider it, but I need to focus on meeting my goals with or without him at this point.

I told him I plan to move in with my parents until I can save enough to buy a home and that I am ready to move forward with an S or D if he is certain he is ready for that. He said he is. We briefly discussed our things, which was kind of sad because it was so easy to talk about who gets what. We were in total agreement that both of us viewed just about everything in our home as either his or mine. I guess that just goes to show you how long we have been living separately. Because neither of us have anything that we brought to the marriage. Everything we acquired during our relationship, yet it is all so clearly defined as either mine or his. Anything that we bought or was given and felt shared has long been gone (either broken, or tossed away, or lost).

I told him that I have an appointment with the lawyer on Monday and when I made the appointment I was ready to file, but since then I have been waffling and I realized it was because I felt like I was being unfair not giving you the heads up to see where you stand. Now I know. He thanked me for being honest and said I should go ahead and file. His only concerns were the kids and school. I told him there is no reason for them to change schools and we can commute on the days when they are with me (I work out here anyway so I will be commuting daily--their school is 10 minutes from my job). It's a private school so even if he moves they can still attend until we decide to make a new plan (or he changes employment--we get a good deal on their tuition because of his job).

So now I need to talk to my parents. They offered to let me move in, but I haven't really discussed it with them because I was hoping it wouldn't be necessary. I am scared, and sad. This was too easy. But again. I am going to be true to myself and my feelings. I do love him. I don't regret marrying him. But it isn't working anymore. Maybe we can get to a place of being friends once we stop trying to be husband and wife.

ETA: Another concern of his was his car situation. But he needs to get moving on that. I am not going to put off my plans because he is procrastinating. I asked him why he hasn't done anything to end the marriage if he was so sure he wanted it over? he said that it is just because he is a procrastinator like with everything else. So he wasn't holding out, he just was being lazy. hmm I guess that's why we don't mind read.