I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

So yesterday I barely left my bedroom. I was supposed to clean it, but I didn't do that either. I spent the entire day in bed, on this message board and a financial message board (reading not posting too much) and looking at homes for sale and for rent and figuring out what my goals are for 2015.

Looking for homes is frustrating because now that I make a good salary buying a home feels realistic, but keeping my housing expenses at the 30% mark is really tough around here. It's impossible to find a three bedroom apartment for under $2000 a month and according to financial gurus I shouldn't be spending more than 1800 on rent or mortgage payments. Also there is a number of 36% of debt to net income ratio that lenders look at when you apply for a mortgage. I don't know if that includes the potential mortgage or just your debts before the mortgage (although that seems extremely high). My biggest debt right now is my student loan and there is very little I can do about that at this point in time. I have no credit card debt and my car payment is low (maybe I should just focus on paying that off).

But the frustrating part is while I am crunching the numbers I get this pang of resentment knowing that with our combined income we would be golden. Yes, his credit needs some fixing--but still. If he could just snap out of this we could save for a downpayment in months and finally be homeowners. But then again, his track record with money makes me second guess if I really want to get involved in such a large investment with him. I am frustrated that now that we have the means to make our dreams come true, he has checked out of the dream.

I am still going to try to do it for me, though. I might have to move in with my parents for a while to save up for a down payment. These are the goals I have that make me want to rush out of this marriage just so I can get moving. I am going to be forty in 2 months and I am looking forward to starting off that decade with my life fully in my hands. Perhaps that is why I am in a rush to get out of this home and this situation.

Today I need to spring myself into action. First things, clean my room. Get rid of anything I no longer need in my life. Start working through things that need to be dealt with before we make the split.