Maybell XXV: Moving Toward the Lighthouse

[Maybell]

Thank you, Labug. That's another one I'm going to have to print and come back to.

That was a lot of time I spent with him yesterday. It's like during the summer when I would go on all those tirades about I'd might as well just file now. Only three months of distance has made it possible for this to be a one-day festival of emotion, kept mostly contained and not communicated to him as it was during that time.

I am a better person with and for the kids. Trying to have stronger boundaries has led to the backlash with my mom, which weakens me in other ways. I was NOT a whole person when H and I got married, though I made a heroic (and largely successful) effort a few years in to be more whole.

If I were my H I would not want to be married to me now. I would not have wanted to be married to me in the last 2-3 years, maybe. I would like to become a woman only a fool would leave. And I appreciate your honesty because it's true, constructive, and kind at the same time.

I've got to think on all this. Today has been rough.