Hello all. Here I am. H in limbo in Houston. First post. W has one foot out door. Says needs to think things through, OM still in pic. I've read DB, Reading DR.
Ok. This is my story , W had PA bout 4 years ago. I snooped around and found my evidence and confronted her. Total instant Remorse/Guilt, NC, Transparency. I insisted MC but she talked me out of it. She did IC and just wanted to move on and forget everything. No real answers only vague issues on her end. The next year was like we were newlyweds again, seems we learned a lot and took the most difficult thing I ever had to endure and turned it around in a positive way. We were so happy, so many things were said and her actions made me feel so secure. Then I started getting comfortable again and never thinking that I ever had anything to do with A, it was the last thing I ever thought would happen again. I got the ILYBNILWY, WHAT!? We promised to be truthful to each other, we promised better communication. We promised to love each other forever, how blind was I?
So this time around I totally felt that familiar intuition. She kept telling me there was no one, I did my snooping and sure enough.... When I confronted her this time I was expecting the same result but didn't quite get it. This feeling, I would not wish this on any man. I moved out of the BR and into the spare room. I know I should have kicked her out but didn't. Still under same roof, we hardly talk, she's still in contact with OM, I haven't been pressuring , pursuing or talking about OM. She wanted space to make a decision and I'm giving that to her. Read DB and reading DR now. Trying to detach tough when in same house. Starting to GAL, working on 180. I love her and want her to come back to me. I understand that she's in a fog and it's so frustrating. But then there are times when I look at her and I don't see the woman I married and I'm actually disgusted by her.
I admire all of you that gave so much of yourselves and remained patient loving and caring. There are days when I feel I can do the same and there are others where I feel like giving up, giving in and just moving on and filing on my own. I know I can't live with a woman who can't love me back but I also know love is a verb, you create love, if it was there before it can be there again. Just need her to see it that way and commit to the marriage so,we could start piecing.
You are in a great place, NGuy. There are lots of folks here who can give you advice and help you. I am sorry you find yourself here, but welcome.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ok. Been having problems posting to forum.gonna try again. Here's my story, 4 years back W started acting "differently", I was very suspicious and did some snooping, I found evidence an affair. Needless to say my world was crushed . Didn't know what to do. I confronted her on it and basically what happened next was(in hindsight ) best case scenario. I received instant total remorse and guilt, NC call right then and there, and total transparency. Although my life was turned upside down for the coming days/ weeks/ months ahead it was definitely reassuring seeing her focus on changing things. I wanted for us to go to MC but she talked me out of it and decided to do IC on her own. What came out of that was some vague issues on her end, but nothing to have to do with me. The following year was one of the best years of our marriage, seemed to be likenewlywed stage again . We seemed to have learned from things and were taking the right steps forward . But One year led to the next and I started to get lax in our R. Busy at work, busy at life and forgetting what was important for us to keep going.
So this past Oct my senses started stewing again and sure enough the last thing I EVER thought would happen did. Another A. I confronted her again and was waiting for the same result.... Not this time. Turns out she's been "unhappy" , doesn't want to be "content" and feeling "unfulfilled ". she is still in contact with OM. Says needs space and time. So that's what I'm giving her. I've since moved out of BR and into spare room , told the kids we were not getting along right now. And we were trying to work things out.
This is so hard for me to do . I give all of you out there that have done this and turned things around so much credit. Feeling humiliated and helpless. I haven't told Any family member about this, hoping it gets resolved soon. Don't know how long I can go on in Limbo. Some days I feel I can do it, other days just want to go the lawyer and file myself. She has become a totally different person. She is not the woman I married, not even the woman from last year. I admit I see this beautiful person on the outside and feel her ugliness on her inside. Turns me off. But I know I love her and want to save my marriage and family. I m hoping this person she has become is just a temporary phase. And she starts seeing things for what they are. I'm reading DR now and trying implement strategies. We're still living under same roof because it seems we're not ready to open this up to family members which is a sign of hope for me. I'd refuse to leave any way since it was her who is unhappy.
