I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

Yes, Maybell. That's how I feel. I think it is part of the "Acceptance" piece of this grieving process. Part of accepting the situation for what it is means finally having to admit that I'm hurt by things he did. Previously I was so focused on trying to understand where he was coming from and trying to be patient while he worked out his demons, but now that the focus is on me I am finally accepting the fact that I have been mistreated--regardless of his reasons for doing it, be it MLC or alcoholism or depression or just who he is that somehow I never noticed before. I think it is a good thing, even though it doesn't feel good, to finally get to the point where I can fully admit that I deserve better. And feeling the anger is part of that. Now that I know it is there and I am letting myself feel it maybe I can really let it go this time, rather than just continuing to shove it back down and talk myself out of it.

I am the type of person that always takes on the responsibility for when things go wrong. I always have to figure out what I did to make it happen. But I think I am now getting to the point where I realize it isn't always my fault and no one has the right to treat me badly. I don't have to accept that anymore, not from him, not from myself, not from anyone.