Nitty in a Nutshell #2

[Nitty]

Christmas Day: Mr. Gritty Passes Some Tests

Our sons have been cautious about the R but glad to see the changes in their dad. During his MLC, Mr. Gritty was agitated all the time, easily angered, a real hothead with all of us. S2 lives at home and took the brunt of that anger, as H would spew it at both of us. He's been the more suspicious S, the one who has expressed concern about Mr. Gritty's changes being lasting ones.

So S2 told me this morning that he now believes his dad is truly "out of his coma" and is back to being "Real Dad" and he knows this because his dad passed two tests on Christmas.

Test No. 1

The first test was an accidental one: on Christmas Eve S2 accidentally dropped a pot of a hot beverage and it splattered everywhere, including all over me and Mr. Gritty. If this had happened last year, Mr. Gritty would've blown up and the evening would've been ruined, because he would be angry and shouting. (He wasn't like this during our marriage, just during MLC.) When S dropped the pot, I could see his face go pale and I knew what he was expecting because I expected it too. Both of us waited for the explosion.

But Mr. Gritty didn't explode, just kind of laughed and said, "oh, well!" We cleaned it up and nothing more was said. S told me that couldn't believe how "in stride" Mr. Gritty took that dropped pot. "That is huge, Mom. HUGE." I agreed with him.

Test No. 2

As Mr. Gritty unwrapped his present from S2 I instantly recognized the item... it was the same gift S2 gave his dad last year! This turned out to be S2's planned test.

Last year Mr. Gritty opened this gift, he grimaced when he saw what it was and tossed it on the table, said "thanks" to S and moved to the next gift. It was an embarrassing moment for all of us. Both S1 and S2 came to me privately to discuss this behavior with me, as it was so unlike their dad. I did not tell them that we were in the middle of a crisis and that their dad was in love with another woman. (I didn't understand MLC at that point.) So I told them he was very stressed with his job.

Anyway. Mr. Gritty never picked up the gift after that. He left it on the coffee table for weeks and when he moved out at the end of January, he left the gift behind with his wife and dog. At that point S told me that since his dad "hated" the gift, he was going to take it back.

So there it was again, the same gift, being unwrapped again by Mr. Gritty. I glanced at S who winked at me. Neither of us said anything. Mr. Gritty oohed and ahhed over this gift, really paying attention to it, telling S that he wanted to use it "right now!" And he did. He obviously did not recognize the gift from last year. He obviously appreciated this gift. S and I looked at each other and S nodded approvingly.

This morning S2 told me, "Dad was so checked out last year, Mom, he didn't even recognize the gift! But not this year. Not with me anyway. He may or may not like what I gave him, but he made an effort to show me how much he appreciates what I got him. That's the Old Dad I know and love. He seems good with you, too. It's your business, you've got to feel right about it, but I just wanted you to know I'm feeling good about you reconciling with him now, too."