Still hanging in there. He's been very attentive. We ML frequently. He tells me he loves me. One week ago he told me he was grateful that we are together, that whenever he thinks of how close we came to D, how we would be apart this holiday... I didn't say anything but gave him a hug. What I wanted to say: Yes! You almost D me! You really hurt me!" But I didn't say anything like that.
I went to our MC privately and told him that now he's had a chance to work with us for a couple of months, that I wanted him to give it to me straight: what is the most important thing I need to do right away to improve our marriage?
The MC told me that I need to stay in the present moment in all conversations with Mr. Gritty. He said that I typically qualify everything with a reference to the past or a wish for certain behavior in the future. He quoted a couple of examples of things I'd said in MC, things which I thought were positives, but which apparently were only taken as jibes at Mr. Gritty.
An example of this is something I said during our last MC session, which the MC had written down:
Quote:
Mr. Gritty stayed really calm last week when that guy in the grocery store parking lot yelled at him for parking too close to his car. Mr. Gritty in MLC would've torn that guy a new one and then been pissed off all day. But this Mr. Gritty just shrugged it off and let it go!
You see, I thought the above statement was a compliment, because it showed the world how far H has come and how I was aware of (and grateful for) H's improvement. But the MC says all Mr. Gritty hears is the bad stuff. That it's kind of a back-handed compliment. Like, "I'm so glad you stopped beating me like you used to."
OK. This is the kind of tip I need to know. I believe I can always improve myself and this is the stuff that will help me improve.
Meanwhile: Our Status So Far:
Money still separated Still living apart
Deep in my heart I worry that he is still keeping our money separate so that in case he decides to go through with the D, he can prove that I can get along with less. The financial people told me the allowance he is giving me is a little over half of what he should be giving me, and that if I live like this for over a year that Mr. Gritty could make the case during a D that I don't need that much alimony.
Back then I talked to an attorney about it and he said it was possible, but we could fight him on it, so I'm not worried about the alimony. I am, however, worried about Mr. Gritty's commitment level.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
