I'm glad you posted and are doing okay. Christmas can be such an ordeal for anyone who is facing time alone because of the crisis or the death of a partner. It's not easy because Christmas is all about family and friend time.

I'm sure you would much rather have a place of your own right now so that you can have peace and quiet and just do whatever you want w/o feeling like a guest all of the time. You are going to experience a lot of emotional turmoil for a while and it's normal. Don't beat yourself up if you have a good cry or don't wish to do things w/family and friends. You've got to have time and space to heal.

Getting through each day is a second and/or a minute at a time. Be kind to yourself and if you don't feel like doing anything, then don't. No one says you have to be the happy person and on the move 24/7. You are hurting and grieving and it does take time.

Please take care of yourself.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.