Georgia, I'm not always right, but I've been around this board soon to be 15 years and on other boards as well and we all tend to share the same opinions about MLC. There are numerous books out there that talk about the stunted childhood and how this comes back to haunt many people, not just married people, but people from all walks of life. Depression is about the past and anxiety is about the future.
MLC is not a recognized illness, but it's talk about in the medical society quite a bit, just as the lawyers talk about it. The joke use to be the red sports car, the young girl or boy toy on the arm and lots of flashy jewelry and muscle shirts on the prowl. That's not the half of what is really going on w/them, it's an emotional and spiritual journey and one that is so painful for them to deal with. Sure, we see no bruises or cuts or they don't state how bad they feel, but they are truly some hurting, miserable folks out there. We do not ever want to wish this type of pain on anyone.
Georgia, what you are experiencing right now is very typical for someone who has had a spouse walk away. We ask ourselves, is it our looks, our personality, we did or didn't do enough to keep them happy, what did I do wrong? Bottom line, you loved a person who was truly broken inside and who didn't know how to deal w/it, hence he dealt w/it by being silent until something triggered his inner self to start to bubble.
From what I have read in your postings, you are a wonderful, sensitive person who would do anything for anyone within reason. Any man that would pass up a person like you is an utter fool. Please do not sell yourself short. Once you get over the holiday season, I think you'll feel better about things, especially yourself. You've got a lot to offer someone and when the time is right, he will be put in your path, whether it is your h or someone new, they will recognize you for the wonderful person you are.
Feel the crazies and then let those feelings go. You've got a lot of living to do and you will do it in a wonderful way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
