I have not really checked up on anyone in awhile, and when I have, it has been sporadic.
I'm sorry I'm not caught up on your recent sitch, but I read your last post. My heart breaks for you. I understand that all to well. You did the right thing by coming here. it is so hard and difficult and lonely.
I know you hear "it gets better" and it may not sound very comforting, but it really does. For me, hearing that made me sad. Like getting used to being without my h and it being OK was a difficult concept.
But it did. Sometimes I really enjoy it. Others I still feel alone. But nothing like what I did. What you are feeling now. So Gwen, it really does get better.
I also know how empty it feels spending holidays without him. It is heart-wrenching. My dad commented to me this year how much happier I was compared to last year.
Here's the thing, Gwen. Not sure if you are aware of my sitch or not... but let me tell you why you hear "It gets better," or "It gets easier."
Xh is around these days. No longer with hww. But he wasn't around for family functions (with my fam). I felt better because I knew that I was OK. It really didn't matter about him anymore. I don't even know if I want him or not anymore. But I am happier because I am stronger. I know I have choices in my life. These choices are not all determined on xh; they are about me. That makes me feel good. And even though my life is a big unknown right now, very uncertain, and a lot of questions, I feel better because I am stronger. Don't let me fool ya.... I've got a long way to go yet. But finding some inner strength and peace can go a long way.
The loneliness you feel, even when with others.... that stinks. But that will come with time. You will have good moments... and they will slowly become more frequent.
