I really like this advice from Ganb8te! One of my LL is words of affirmation too and I completely agree. Even when I am angry at WAH if he really says something positive about me I feel great. It has to be genuine though and not just flattery.
Maybe think of a list of things you could affirm or compliment and keep them on the backburner for when they are appropriate.
I know it is confusing in light of the other aspect of this where she is with OM and you need to take a hard line. Here's how I would envision it: she drops the kids off and you are impressed with something about how she handled them. Let's say the kids are very well dressed, or she packed nice lunches for them, or I have no idea but you get the picture. You can validate her by saying "wow you did such a nice job with..." I would not say "wow you look beautiful!" (I'm sure she would like to hear that but I think that crosses the line when she is with OM and all that) In other words, compliment her on friend like things, not on wife like things. Don't do it too much but once in a while is good.
Moving backwards...to social media. Oh Mozza, stop looking at her facebook!!!!! It is a horrible thing to do to yourself. I know how hard it is to stop, but I did it and so can you. Here is what you can try.
First of all, go to her page and stop "following" her. She will have no idea but you won't see her updates anymore in your news feed. And do this for anyone else you know in common who might share information about her. You won't be missing anything. You can still be "friends" you can still see her page anytime. But here is my advice: don't look!
How I did it was that I told myself I would not look at WAH's facebook page (or OW or their twitter or instagram etc etc) for a week. I felt soooooo much better. I kept doing it for another week. Then I slipped and looked at their pages. Felt crappy. Remembered that it only hurts me and doesn't help me. Stopped looking again. Now I haven't looked in a month. Yes the temptation is there. Even writing this now I want to go look. But it only HURTS ME. Stop for a day, stop for a week, whatever you can do. And then see how much better you feel not having to look at it in your face!
Regarding your response about the video I think you did perfectly. However, I would also not ask about the party.
Originally Posted By: Mozza
That's what I did. She called me on Friday and her first question (?!) was whether I watched the video. I said I hadn't gotten to it yet. Unfortunately, I then asked "Was it a good party?" to move the conversation along, so I got an earful about how much of what she drank (wine and sake), how many of her colleagues threw up (4) and how late she came home (3:30 am).
My friend, I see so many similarities with our situations. To make conversation I asked WAH about one of his work parties and got almost the exact same response you did...how much he drank, how his coworkers threw up and how sick he felt the next day. Seriously.
So here is something I have been doing, not exactly on purpose to be dismissive but mostly because I don't want to know what he is up to and hear about his OWs and his fun party life. I never ask "how was..." or "what did you do this weekend?" It makes conversation so awkward sometimes not to ask so I mainly try to talk about my own GAL and PMA. So maybe you could have said something like: she: did you see the video you: nope, no time yet she: .... you: .... awkward you: yesterday I went skydiving and the day before that I went skiing on Mount Kilimanjaro
Just a joke but you get the idea. Probably the best thing is to say less but if you have to talk say something about you GAL, not in a bragging way though. You get the idea.
Mozza, keep your head up! You are doing well, you just need to keep working on yourself, your 180s and GAL and letting her do her thing and work through her issues on her own. Stop watching her and asking her about it.
You get the idea.
