Thank you, 25, for stopping by. I know its really soon after my latest serious crash, but I have felt really, really good for a lot of today. And it's happening just like uR and others have said it needs to happen. I'm letting go of her. I'm forgiving myself, because I did not intend to cause pain, I did the best with the knowledge I had, I have always wanted to be a good H above all else. I am starting to truly forgive myself. It's one day, but it was a good day. It really helped that my sister, the one I'm really close to, is in town (she currently lives in LA, about 2500 miles away). She always gives me such a boost.

I also think getting such direct, definite words from WAW about the end of our M, as painful as it's been to hear, has let me finally begin to move on to the final stage of grief: acceptance. I know I should have considered myself "dead" months ago and focused on myself, but I didnt. And that's okay. I'm doing it now. I still love WAW. I'm not slamming the door closed on hope or possibility. But I'm no longer standing obsessively by the door. I'm not leaving splinters of overly hopeful thoughts in my mind anymore ("she's not interested in the M right now", and then hang all of my heart on the hopeful temporariness of it). She's not interested in the M. Period. I will GAL, focus on myself, focus on D2, focus on friends and family, let go of W, respect her wishes for herself, and IF something changes with her (not expecting it or hoping for it anymore), I will address it then.

I believe God is at work. In my sitch, in my heart, and in your hearts. You are very special people.


Me 38, WAW 30
D11 (former marriage)
S2
T 8 years
M 3 years
BD 8/20/23
S 8/20/23