Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[NewB3]

I try not to have contact, unless it is necessary for child. I wait for her call to check on him. I do not text pics, email them, or call to give her updates. Yet she always asks what we did, or if we have plans. I am vague and smile a lot.
Truth is, I am lost and not sure which path is the right one anymore.

[NewB3]

This has been a week of very interesting interactions. What do you make of this?

I was off all week with S11. Talked to ex and said since s3.5 has a birthday soon, I would like to take cake and such to his school. She said the teacher and her had talked about later in Jan.. However, she would check. Well, it worked out. She was happy that I was doing that and s3.5 was prepared for my Monday visit to drop off the goods. He had a great day. I had also asked her about visiting on Christmas morning. She said she would not be able to hold him back to wait for my arrival once he awoke. I let that slide. I then mentioned having s3.5 during the day Tuesday and Wednesday she mentioned I could also keep him Tuesday night to spend more time with both kids. So we did. We had a great time. I emailed her prior to Christmas Eve and said that I lived less than 10 min. Away and would be glad to be ready for a call when he awoke, or could come sit out front in the car until called. I said" if you would rather not have me there, please just say so. Well, that got a call. She said I was more than welcome to come. Strange contrast to the comments on the first asking.
I dropped them off to each ex on Christmas Eve. She had gotten a large piece of furniture delivered and was unboxing. I assisted and she was appreciative. I did however, leave her to move and assemble.
Christmas Day I was there first thing. Her parents arrived also, with breakfast. We went in and exchanged gifts. Yes, she got nothing for me. I had three gifts for her. On from the boys and two from Santa. Nothing over $20 each, but very unique and thoughtful items. I had something for the dog, and both parents. Parents got a gift for me, as did s3.5. Ex got a splinter. Was working on it and made a big deal if it. Not like her... She went to get tweezers and the came to the room asking her mother to take a look. No glasses, her mother said....ex handed me the tweezers. I handled it and continued talking with s3.5. I hung around about an hour and then as parents were packing up breakfast, I grabbed my coat and wished everyone a merry Christmas and thanked her for having me. She said " oh your leaving already"? I said yes and made my exit. Told her I would be back at 3 to get son. She said she would bring him to my home.
Came home and prepared house for s11 & s3.5 visit later that day. Then went to my family lunch. She called at 12:30, left a voicemail asking when I thought I would be home. I called her about 1:15 and said I would be there by 3. I told her I would text when I got close. I was 2 blocks from my home and pass her on the road. S11 & I get home, unpack gifts and she arrives about 2 minutes in. Chatty and telling me what they had been doing all day while her parents were visiting out of town. ( our divorce and schedule kept her from going.)
She comes in and walks him to the tree and stacks of gifts. Asks if she can watch him open. ( I knew this was the plan all along.) I told her sure she was welcome to stay and offered her something to drink. ( being friendly and polite) she had a lot to say. Asked all about my family lunch and she named everyone that was there....etc. after gifts she asked were I put my gift from s3.5. I told her I had not unpacked it yet. She said oh, you did not come home after you left my house? I said I had, but had other things to do.( the gift from "him" was a pic in a nice frame) she stated, "oh, I thought it would look nice on the mantle in this room." Etc.etc.
I mentioned family that would be coming by as they passed through town. Told her it would be about 30 minutes. Well, she made her way to the door..quickly, as if trying to get out quickly. I wLked her to the door as the boys played, as she closed the door, I called her name and opened the door. I looked at her in the eyes, with a smile, and said...Merry Christmas. She looked at me and said merry Christmas and as she did, puckered and went to blow a kiss...stopped herself as soon as he hand got close to her mouth ( like she realized what she was doing) and smiled as that hand went up into a wave. Hahahah, standing 6 feet from me was this person, so unsure of her actions that she did this???? WOW?
I feel she is lonely, reality is setting in, and misses me. I am letting her come to me. Not inviting her. If I want to do something, I am direct. I never offered to let her come over today, but she came to me, and I allowed it with open arms and was simply polite.

Thoughts?.

[NewB3]

The day after Christmas was a nice day outside. Both of my sons played in the yard almost all day. S 11 took a short video of them talking about what they were playing. He sent it to me and it was so cute I sent it to her. I rarely send her anything like that but the holiday spirit had gotten the best of me I just had to share.
S3 .5 had a birthday after the holidays. We had the party at her house and went over in the afternoon . S3 .5 had asked if she could come over to play with his Christmas items after his party. I texted her to let her know and her reply was, "OK. Sounds good". We arrived at the party and immediately she started being very chatty and nervous. I tried to remain calm and cool and did the father thing. She had a bottle of wine for the adults so I excepted a glass hopefully to take the edge off. We did the cake and birthday thing and while he was opening his last gift I looked at the wine bottle to see what kind it was. When she saw this she immediately went the fact her realtor gave it to her and it was supposed to be a good wine etc.
After the party I asked if both boys could stay with her while I ran to the grocery as I had dinner planned. She gladly excepted and asked that I call her when I leave the store. 30 minutes later as I left the store I called I arrived home and got things ready to start dinner. Again not inviting her to do things with me and letting her come to me. She ride with the boys and they played in the front room. She walked in and I asked if she wanted something to drink she more than happily said yes please. She saw some chips sitting on the table and asked if she could have a chip. I jokingly said yes but only two. She smiled. As the first plate of food was done I called one of the boys in and then followed with would you like one? She said no I need to be going and quickly made her exit after saying her goodbyes to the boys.
I worked out of town for New Year's and did not hear from anyone while I was gone. I arrived home New Year's afternoon and hung around the house Friday trying to catch up from the holidays. Normally S3 .5 goes to bed about 730 or eight however on Fridays he gets to stay up late usually until he falls asleep. My phone rings at 7:30 Friday night and it is her. She is telling me that he wanted to call and she asks if I'm home... and I said yes, I'm home cooking dinner. So I listen to her tell me about how you've been acting in what he's been doing as he didn't seem too interested in talking once she was done I told him goodbye and she called my name as though I was just going to hang out without telling her goodbye. She told me to have a nice evening enjoy my dinner and they would talk to me later.
I called her Monday evening and asked if I could take S3 .5 to dinner on Tuesday night. She seemed excited about it and he did not. So I told her never mind it's not a big deal. She said no sometimes he doesn't want to go to school but I'm taking anyway if that is what you want to do you need to do it. So I told her I would take him to dinner. I picked him up tonight he was fine we had a good dinner and when we're almost to her house I called to let her know we were close. I arrived her front door was open and she was putting together furniture that she had gotten it. There were some awkward things I noticed. She seemed to be somewhat nervous and chatty and I was polite but did not have much to say. She then asked what I thought she was going to ask me Friday night. She asked me a lot of questions about my working out of town last week. She asked how my New Year's was and how everything is been going. She asked if I wanted to remove some of his toys to have at my house I looked around and said it's too much to think about right now I'll just make some sort of a list and then I can get them next time. I then gave him kisses goodbye and as I went to the door she followed me trying to make eye contact and smile at me. She said have a good night, hope dinner was fun, stay warm and I guess I'll talk to you again on Sunday. we can decide if I'm going to bring pick him up from you or if you were going to bring him home.

I've been coming here not so often but when I do I make a long journaling post. My question is still the same and I would like some sort of replies here. I'm starting to get confused with her.
I'm trying not to show too much interest of being very polite when she comes to me. I'm very uncomfortable being around her and my child tells me that he misses me he tells mommy that he misses me. He also mentioned tonight that mommy also says that she misses me. I told him when he misses me, to call me. I told him when mommy says she misses me, tell mommy to call daddy. I told him it would make me very happy if mommy called me. He said it would make him happy if mommy called me and then want to meet a look at the big smile on his face.
What could possibly be going through her head at this point? The holidays are over and she won't be seeing me as much. Could reality be setting in now that she's in her own home by herself and the holidays are over? I've been watching more of the Corey Wayne videos and reading his book I know what to do when she makes the first move but how much time is enough time for her to really miss me? I know I'm going to get a vague answer for that last question but I miss getting feedback.

Happy new year everyone. I appreciate what this forum has done for me and I hope you find more peace in your life this year.

[NewB3]

Stayed home today from work. Been trying to ignore my depressing feelings...faking it to feel happy. Point is, I am run down and also sick. I want her in my life romantically and so far feel I have stuck to the coparent/no friend deal. It is hard.
What I want is a romantic relationship with her. I cannot say or act on that and know I have to wait for her, but it is so odd. Odd being around her, having her nervously chat, Throw in questions here and there because she is afraid to just have a normal conversation. If she cares what I am doing/feeling, why does she not come out and just say it? Why dance around? What does she expect from me?

[Faith2b]

I understand how hard it is. I miss him so much but he is extremely mad at me. He put a restraining order on me. I cant contact him. He does what he wants now I just found out he did this. I had to call a lawyer. I have court on Feb 5, he is really really mad. I have to also think he is with ow. I have been changing my thought process alot. Nipping any thoughts in the bud. He talked to our son yesterday and he told him he would be their helping if he hadnt put the restraining order on me. Well just so you can see their is alot worse sitch. But remember its wise to work on you. So in my crazy sitch. I have been working on not reacting to H but only responding. Just hold on and focus on you until you can be the man she wants she will desire you if you get that man she first fell in love with. Just think you have time to work on you and be an even better first time around man. You can consciously make better choices in loving her focus on getting you right. She will see and if she does not you will be ok with that!! GAL ON!!!

[NewB3]

Could she possibly be waiting on me to make the first move? I haven't seen any signs that she might be interested other than puppy dog eyes nervous chat. She's not tried to physically touch me, so I am pretty sure that she's not waiting on me. Everything I've read says I have to wait for her, however, what if that's wrong?

I'm not trying to mind read here. I'm just confused as to what I need to focus on other than just myself. I do have to interact with her because of our children. Friday pick up is easy as there's no contact however she tends to want to keep Sunday drop off as a point of contact so that she can call usually around 10 AM Sunday morning and say I'll come pick him up. Most of the time I think it's because she wants to come to my home. When I take him to her house she tends to want to stand around and chat.

I guess I'm being impatient she moved out of our family home at the beginning of December and I had moved out back in October.

She does reach out to me when I'm physically in the same room with conversation questions I give egg answers but I'm friendly. I feel like I'm not being a jerk but that I'm showing I'm not interested. Do I need to show I'm interested? Or do I let her make that move?

[bravo61]

Tell her "it was nice to see you" when you leave next. Or if you feel it hug her while saying it. If you have no expectations she'll feel that and be more open. Most important thing is to do those things w/a smile on your face & look her in the eyes.

Just my 2 ¢. I too have noticed it's a lot harder to get vets to comment after divorce, but that's cool. Good luck.

[NewB3]

I have had vets comment post divorce. Sandi2 and a few others. Read my threads.

That being said...My merry christmas caught her off guard, maybe I will do the nice to see you thing.

Anyone else want to chime in here? Thanks bravo61 for your input

[igit]

Newb3.just read your thread. I am know vet, what I will say is I think you are handling yourself very well. I think there comes a time when us Lb.spouse realize that all we can control is us. You are absolutely correct in your approach to not wanting to be freinds. Let's face it they fired us as there spouse. It's like being fired from a job. You don't want to burn any bridges.If she wants you back the only way it will ever work is for her to come back and you will need to step back and not be too available. Keep being the man you are and want to be and good things will come your way. Keep up the good work and live your life so your kids can see the good man you are.

[NewB3]

Igit,
Thanks for taking the time to help me. I feel lost these days and try to keep going.