Thanks Cadet. It's hard to think that way bc I see H so happy and content with life and this makes me feel like he is thinking clearly, but just doesn't care. My emotions have ranged from sadness to anger to resentment and over again these last two days. It's horrible.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Thanks Rd. I tried to give S8 the best Xmas possible but it was hard. All of his Christmas lists had "I want my family back" as the main present. Breaks my heart. Everything else I give him seems so unimportant.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
It's so hard, I know. It's hard when it's not Christmas but the holidays make it unbearable. It's amazing how insensitive our WAS can be and how even though we know they are treating us horribly, we still pine over them. All of my friends and family are furious at H and question why I would even want him back after the way he's treated me and S8. Only a fellow LBS knows why.
Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and praying for the same thing. You're not alone. Merry Christmas
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
So after not calling S8 all day on Tuesday, S8 called H and asked him where he was. H replied that he was doing Xmas with his mom and brother and would come by the house after. He asked if S8 wanted him to spend the night and S8 said yes.
H got there around 9:30 and we all hung out until about 10:45. After we put S8 to bed I walked back out to the living room and was surprised that H was there. er watched the end of a movie and then I got up to get some water. As I was standing in the kitchen H said "why is there so much sexual tension? Is it just me?" And I shyly acknowledged that I felt the same. When I went back to sit on the couch he suggested that I turn the lights off. So I did and came back to the couch. He looked at me and said "this is just sex, right?" And I replied yes.
We began to sleep together and H kept telling me how good it felt to hold someone again. He said he thinks about me all of the time. After we were finished, he got up and said again "this is just sex, right? This doesn't change anything." My heart kind of sank. I know he said it before we had sex but saying it again was overkill. Then he simply said "thanks" and walked back to the living room and sleep on the couch. I felt super used and taken advantage of. H has never been that cold before and it killed me.
The next morning we slept together again before S8 got up. Then I went for a run and put on some PMA.
I came back, showered and made H and S8 breakfast. H said he wanted to take S8 rock climbing and said I could come if I wanted. I said I didn't want to introduce to which he said I wasn't intruding if he invited me and that we were cordial with each other so it wouldn't be a problem. (Cordial with each other? Wtf?! We just had sex last night!! I think that's a little more intimate than being cordial)
When I got in H's car he had to lift up some paperwork to make room for us and when he lifted it up I saw that he was holding the D papers. He hasn't served me yet but seeing that he had them in his car just killed me. I feel like he carries them with him so he can be ready at any time to hand them over. Ugh.
We all went climbing and had a good time. I rocked the walls and impressed H by doing 4 levels of difficulty higher than what he thought I could do. On the way home I thanked him for inviting me and said I had a blast, to which he said "well, it was the right thing to do". Ouch. Made me feel like it was a pity invite.
H left for a few hours and then came back. That's when the gift exchange happened. Afterwards I made dinner. H said he felt like a lucky guy for being included. So many mixed signals.
I know I shoukdnt have expectations but it's so hard not to. Between talking about "whether divorce is the right option", the sex, and all of H's verbal zingers, I feel like I'm spinning in circles. All of this is harder than I ever thought it would be and I find myself getting resentful for how H comes and goes and treats me.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Thanks for the response. I have been going to IC 2 sometimes 3 times a week since this started. I don't think I could survive without it. I also think I should stop sleeping with H. Sex was always a great part of our R and I love being close to him but with the coldness, I'm not sure it's beneficial.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
Faith, I am so sorry your H is treating you horribly like this. You are worth much more than he showed and yes it is not beneficial to you. Yes you take a risk by saying if he can't treat you better then he can have your company and your love. But if what he does and what he wants hurts you, then you can choose to reject his advances. What if you let him know?... "When you ML to me and then you sleep on the couch, my heart sinks."
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
HP, I wonder about saying something like that, but often think I will come across as weak or hypocritical. When we first slept together, I honestly thought that I could handle the emotion that comes with it. I thought I could compartmentalize being physical with H and not getting it confused with what is going on. I think what ended up getting to me most, was when H started communicating that sex was confusing him.
H initiated an R talk a few days after we first slept together and said something along the lines of "I'm taking a risk by telling you this because I've been playing my cards pretty close to my chest. This is hard for me because since we've been having sex, I want to be here in our home with you and S8. I want a R do-over." When he said this I didn't say much and tried to validate when I could. We slept together a few more times until he came to me and said he didn't want to be physical anymore because he didn't want us to keep hurting each other. He said I was the best person he knew and he would do anything for S8 and I. I asked him that if it was true, to have faith in us. He said he was thinking about it but that he "couldn't go back on all of this." A week later we slept together again.
Seeing him waver gave me hope again and I think that's what started to blur the lines for me. Up until that point we hadn't been physical and H had been pretty much out of the picture. Than bam-- the day he files for D he shows up at our house and we ML. I guess a part of me was hoping the sex would add to his confusion.
Tuesday night though, there was no tenderness like there was before. H did say things like "let's go slow, and I love having sex with you". But honestly, I think he's just lonely. He's not ready to let me go but he doesn't want me either. It's a tough place for me to be. Because I'm still holding on.
I have a feeling that with his coldness and need to reinforce the lack of feelings or possibility that sex changes anything means he isn't going to have faith in us or even finish the conversation we started about going to MC. I think he is buying his time through the holidays and going to blow off all of our previous talks by hitting me D papers. If that's the case, then I will be ready to completely go dark. My H is a good person, he has a good heart. But he also avoids conflict, and when it comes to ending our marriage, I deserve to be communicated with instead of just have my feelings pushed aside. Especially when he's been sending me so many mixed signals.
My IC says the same thing. H is confused and selfish. And his behavior is down right crazy.
He keeps talking about how he's so "committed to the path he's on." If I hear that one more time, it will be hard not to say "I hurts me that you're more committed to this "path" than to our marriage."
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
