Well I declare Christmas a win. We did it all together at my house as planned. H came over last night for dinner and to help get presents ready. We had split the buying and it worked out well.
H came over this morning for present opening. He was truly enjoying watching the kids and their joy- especially S8 as he still believes in Santa wink We had decided not to give gifts to each other but he got me a couple really nice things " from the kids". I felt bad as I didn't do that- just helped the kids pick out their presents for him but didn't get extra.
I have the darn flu ( probably more susceptible b/c of all the stress), so H cooked dinner today and helped clean everything up. He wasn't irritated about it or moody. I even passed out after dinner for a nap and he helped kids pack for our trip.

I texted him when I woke up to say thanks for all his help, Merry Christmas, and that I would send pics of our trip. He texted about an hour later saying thank you for letting him be a part of it.

It's really sad he's not going on this trip- he is the oldest of 5 and they are all going along with their kids. His mom and grandma will also be there. I know he is really messed up b/c he adores his siblings and would never do this when not an MLC alien.

So as for me, I'm doing pretty well. I had a couple sad moments, almost nostalgic, when opening presents. But I know that all of this is out of my control and I'm not the cause of his crisis. And I'm not having the desperate, sad feelings I used to have when I see him. We are in the middle of a D that looks like it's going through- and I will be fine no matter what. His loss!
Merry Christmas everyone!

Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown