On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

It was inevitable that I would run into her AP at some point and last night it happened. I took my w, D13 and S20 to the movies. On the way to the theater I noticed that we were right behind her ap's car. (He has a personalized plate). I did not say a word and intentionally slowed down to hit a light. It was raining so I dropped my w and daughter off at the door (her parents were already in the lobby waiting) and my son and I went to park the car. I told my son that we had been right behind him and my son looks up and says, "Is that him?". He was parked about 20 feet from us and just getting out of his car. He was alone. I watched him walk up to the theater and I decided that I needed to confront him. As I was walking up to the theater doors I saw him abruptly turn around and walk away. He and my W had seen each other. He walked off to the side, clearly trying to think about what to do and looking at his phone. I was walking towards him and my heart was pounding. I called his name and he looked up. I walked to about 10 feet from him and just said "I think you should find something else to do tonight". He said "I know, I saw her.". I just looked at him without saying another word and he walked away. There were so many things I wanted to say but my anger was through the roof. The last thing I want is to make my situation worse by getting an assault charge. But I had to face him. I could not just let him leave without saying something to him.

My son and I then walked up to meet W and daughter and they were both visibly upset. My w had seen her ap and she knew that I had seen him as well. My daughter says she wants to go home because mom saw someone who she doesnt like and looks like she is going to cry. "Why wont anyone tell me whats going on?" I said, Mom and dad are just not getting along right now. To which she said "I know but no one will tell me why. Im not stupid, I know something is going on." I ended up deflecting her questions the best that I could and after about 10 minutes we all calmed down and decided to see the movie. The night ended up ok for her, which was my focus.

Overall things between my W and I have been the same. She is still in the house and I have still not filed for D. It's Christmas morning and the 4 of us did our best to have our family tradition of opening gifts. I am still hoping for a miracle for our M. However, at the same time I am wishing that my feelings for her would die. The pain is intense. I miss the life we had so much. But it takes 2 people and right now she is no where close to wanting to work on our M. I have stayed away from her, trying my best to detach. She is just emotionally gone and it doesn't feel like there is any way she is ever coming back.