KGirl - one year later con't

[labug]

Do you think it's too clingy? I read this a couple of weeks ago an it really struck a note with me.
"It's a popular, but untrue notion, that relationship involves making each other happy. It's like putting ourselves in our partner's lap with the assignment to take care of our needs for us - SO - if I'm not happy, it's you, as my partner, who is to blame!
You SHOULD make me happy; it's your job! And if you don't it means you don't love me. Now explain to me how this approach can possibly turn out well?"

I was that ^^^ person! If I was unhappy it was because of something outside of me. My H, My job, my co-workers, my mother, other family members. I didn't realize I could make a choice to be happy and then BE happy. (this is not living in la-la land happy, not every day is unicorns and rainbows)

We decide how we let things affect us and can choose our reaction.

Do you think your sister was intentionally late to mess with your celebration?

Do you think your friends are incapable of taking care of themselves in that situation?

I was a controlling crazymaker. I would also get very caught up in worrying if things weren't perfect, I was a failure. If people had a negative reaction related to that imperfection, that was my fault. I was responsible for them in some way.

Because of that need to control if things didn't go as planned, I went off the rails and most often my H caught the brunt of that. If we entertained at home, OMG, it was awful and not much fun I was so concerned about what our guests others thought or felt. I'm SMH right now just thinking about it. Sheesh! (have you read Underdog's posts to Maybell about being a crazymaker?)

This is because I didn't believe that anyone could like me, for me. I was imperfect, not deserving of their like or love. Once I was able accept my imperfections and feel worthy of love I realized that there were people who could love me, the imperfect me. Even I could love me.

Then the realization came that if there were people who couldn't handle the imperfect me, I didn't need to be concerned with that. That would either accept me as I am...or not. Their thoughts and reactions were their own and had nothing to do with me.
uRworthy writes a lot of good stuff about his.

When you wrote about your friend who was with you but not worried about the other people who hadn't had dinner. You were amazed at how she was able just let it roll of her back. I so understand how you felt in that moment. I too was in awe of people who could do that.

Wonder of wonders, I am now able to be that person most of the time. You can get there, too. It takes practice but it's achievable.

About meditation, if you find yourself falling asleep, it may be better to practice in the morning. Are you sitting when you meditate?

You've come so far.