Thanks mirage, vge and T2, Tonight as my D's and W were leaving MIL's D15, got very emotional. She gave me the biggest hug I've gotten from her in ages (she's at an age where hugging me isn't something she does often). I thought she was going to cry. Of course, W was oblivious to the whole thing. At dinner all she talked about was herself and work, occasionally about Christmas's in the past. Her biggest worry of the night was what pictures to put on her Facebook page with the girls asking her not to put certain pictures on and her saying she looked good in those so she just HAD to put them on....just so much like a teenager. I did notice that she was more able to look me in the eyes when we spoke. For my part I did rather well in the DB principles. I made sure to validate and listen and steer the conversation away when it strayed to R subjects. Before I left, I made sure to sincerely wish her a merry Christmas and she seemed taken aback at first but wished me the same.
I just don't understand her and what she wants and why she thinks ending our M will get her this. From what she was saying at dinner, it seems like she is getting a lot more attention from her "friends" at work, something she has wanted since she went back to work. Her R with the people that she works with is more important than that with her D's. She is still so much in replay, so fixated on being part of her "group". Watching her interact with D15 and from what D15 has been saying about how she has been behaving towards her, I can see she is stressed and probably depressed/anxious. I wanted to ask her why she is so intent on pushing to finalize the D but this wasn't the time nor the place. I just pushed the thoughts and the feelings that come when I think about that away and focused on fact that it's Christmas and this was the only time I would be with my girls until after, the last thing they needed was either of their parents upset.
I will say that I'm so much more detached around her. In fact, I really don't see her as someone I really want in my life right now. All she can think about is herself, all she talks about are things that have to do with her and doesn't really listen or add when the subject isn't about her. She's obsessed with Facebook and what she projects to the FB world. In short, nothing like she used to be, like the person I M. In short, not someone I would consider having a R with if I just met her. Of course, I still remember well who she once was, our shared history, that she is the mother of my girls. It's much easier now to see past that and see her for who she is now. I guess that comes with detachment. Still, it is sad when I think of all the hurt she is causing the girls and so many others. How messed up she has become because of her MLC. The fact that my life will forever be changed because of her. How, in the end, I just couldn't count on her when I needed her most.
Oh, well. I'll be going to church alone and spending "quality time" with my dog. This will be the first time I EVER spent Christmas alone without any family. My family (other than my girls) are all 1600 miles away. I will make the most of it. Maybe visit some neighbors. I do know I'll be fine. Just different. Merry Christmas everyone!!
