New England Newcomer

[mahhhty]

I haven't journal-ed on here in awhile.... Here is the update... My birthday was a week ago tomorrow. I barely got a happy birthday from her. She did get two presents from our kids for me, a $10 tin of assorted popcorn and a movie. Not exactly, what I have been used to in the past.

In the past couple days she reneged our agreement for Christmas Eve and Christmas. She was supposed to come to the house for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but she slipped out of both of those behind an argument that it would be too confusing for the kids. I maintained my cool and responded via text with "I think everyone has some level of confusion with this. We will have to live and learn. It is Christmas, and the kids would want u there (my house, or old home), and therefore I would like u there for them. The kids are resilient. We can explain it to them. However if this isn't something u want or are willing to handle, let me know." She never responded.

However, tonight she did respond back after some logistics posts asking me to go to her parents to see my nieces. This is something we had decided a few weeks ago was not acceptable (she was feeling like an outsider in her own family, and hasn't been receiving support from them), so I have tried to distance myself. And therefore, respectfully decline the invitation.

This part is my real DILEMMA... I have read DB and DR, I have read 5 other books about relationships and communicating. I even read one about divorce. I have had 7 DB coach sessions with an amazing mentor, as well as 8 IC sessions. I stopped drinking for a month, to get my mind right, and I've worked out almost every other day since the beginning of November. I lost 2 inches on my waist, gained some definition and I'm almost to a 6 pack. I've stopped being a YES MAN at work and have put the kids first and foremost, and I truly have become a better more active father. On top of that I'm reconnecting family, friends and with myself and doing more of what makes me happy.

BUT as I go down this path. Two things really bother me. Most people I have spoken with about my changes and my future don't believe it is possible to reconcile things with her. They do not see the possibility, which bothers me.

Also, as I go through this process, I get angry that there wasn't an ultimatum moment. She didn't even want to speak with a therapist at any point. She degraded their position, saying things like "I don't believe in it," or "why do you need someone else in the room to hear what I am saying to you." The irony here is that in our State it is required to do a Child Impact Seminar which is run by a therapist. Months ago when she took the course, she called me after stating that the course was helpful. Here is the woman who doesn't believe in therapists telling me a therapist is helpful, only b/c it now suits her purpose.