Sorry to highjack the thread here, but you asking about jumping hit home with me. My W jumped away when I tapped her on the leg the first time we talked 2 months after BD. Does that mean they are an angry WAW? Just curious, I'm still trying to figure out what's going in with her. I think R is over, but she is pretty angry about just about everything to do with me.
Last edited by MCS; 12/14/1409:59 PM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
So it's six months to the day since the BD. The day my life changed.
This last week has been particularly hard. My birthday and Christmas coming up. Always used to take the day off around my birthday, go Christmas shopping and have a nice lunch somewhere.
Our daughters took a day off this year and just the three of us went for lunch, their idea! I really enjoyed it, their company, the lunch etc. But I also really miss my wife too....
One thing I've found recently, I've become cold with her. I think it's subconscious as I only realised it on reflection. Opening a present from my D I had my back to my wife all the time and was only engaging in conversation with my D. It's the way she's been treating me. Any others experienced that?
Nothing has changed in the situation. After all thats happened, and crazy as it seems I still love my wife and want her back with our family. Sometimes though I'm angry at what she's done to us. Even more so now at this time of year. Can you love and hate someone at the same time? Maybe hate is too strong a word.
We're having Christmas as a family, so I need to be careful about all our interactions. I want this to be a fun time with good memories of family time together. It's the only way. I'm trying to be positive and keeping going. Would be nice to have some sign of encouragement though, however small. It's been a very long and emotional six months.
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
Yeah, the holidays and other special occasions do a mental trip inside our heads as LBS.
Originally Posted By: essjay
One thing I've found recently, I've become cold with her. I think it's subconscious as I only realised it on reflection. Opening a present from my D I had my back to my wife all the time and was only engaging in conversation with my D. It's the way she's been treating me.
Just because your W is cold, distant, and checked out doesn't mean that you do the same to her. I'd suggest that you and your daughters show W warmth during Xmas. As the saying goes..."kill 'em with kindness." Try this out and you'll be surprised. Mind you, W will be cold for a while, but if you keep it up, she'll warm up to you in due course.
Friendly, short, and upbeat greetings (and interactions) with W will help your mental outlook.
Just because your W is cold, distant, and checked out doesn't mean that you do the same to her. I'd suggest that you and your daughters show W warmth during Xmas. As the saying goes..."kill 'em with kindness." Try this out and you'll be surprised. Mind you, W will be cold for a while, but if you keep it up, she'll warm up to you in due course.
Friendly, short, and upbeat greetings (and interactions) with W will help your mental outlook.
Hello Jay. Happy birthday to you.
This from Wonka is where I struggle too. I show my W cold fury in my eyes and tone. I'm not helping my mental outlook nor my R with my W. I've heard many times to be the better person no matter how I'm treated. It's going to take commitment and effort especially when you let her behavior get to you (like I do too often). I was much better, even loving and supportive in the beginning. But, as the whole truth gradually came out about my W, I felt devastated and ashamed of being loving and supportive while she escalated her waywardness. Now it's hard for me to even be around her. I hope it doesn't get so bad for you so yes follow the advice... show warmth to her and let go of the way she's acting towards you.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
-Does your W have some memory lapses when she talks with you or Ds?
-Does your W have a vacant look in her eyes?
-Does your W flinch when you try to touch her in nonsexual ways such as the arm, shoulder?
My W has done all the above. Said "get your F*cking hand off me" once when I put my hand on her knee.
I'm really sorry all this is happening in your family right now.
Last edited by HPoirot; 12/21/1409:14 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
-Does your W have some memory lapses when she talks with you or Ds?
-Does your W have a vacant look in her eyes?
-Does your W flinch when you try to touch her in nonsexual ways such as the arm, shoulder?
My W has done all the above. Said "get your F*cking hand off me" once when I put my hand on her knee.
One time, I playfully bounced on the bed and my arms brushed against Ms. Wonka's lower legs (she was under the covers) and her eyes WIDENED like teacup saucers. Then she said, "you know that's inappropriate...don't touch me like that ever again." She was in full-blown A with the OW. Wacky and misplaced 'loyalty' to the affair partner.
So W is out somewhere tonight, don't know where. I'm not expecting her to be back home at all tbh!
Have a bit of a dilemma..
Both our D's are out tomorrow night they will not be back home until Christmas morning.
W messages me yesterday saying that she's going to be around tomorrow night - Christmas Eve and would I like to go for a drink with her if I'm around as well! I haven't replied.
Of course part of me wants go - tho I know there's nothing more to it because she's still very cold towards me. I have no expectations, even tho we've had some better interactions the last day or so.
I'm cautious because I don't want to have a couple of drinks and then allow either of us to start or get into any R talk and have it descend into an argument.
Any advice please..
Jay
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
I'm not feeling too good about your W's request to go out for drinks on Xmas Eve after all that time she's blatantly ignored you. Alcohol, emotion, and holiday do not mix well when there's a M on the rocks (pardon the lousy pun).
My suggestion is for you to suggest to your W that you two volunteer at a local soup kitchen together. I wouldn't go for drinks with your W. My Spidey sense is telling me that your W is probably wanting to get drunk so she can BD you. I hope I'm wrong...very much so.
Or stay at home playing card or board games. If you're Catholic, maybe to Mass?
Eldest D is about to leave to go to her boyfriends and then his parents house for the evening and night, so won't see her until tomorrow. Other D is at work. This of course leaves me on my own and I guess that's why I'm feeling pretty emotional at the moment and today in general.
I can think back to the time when I was looking forward to the girls becoming more independent and being around the house a little less as that would give me and my W a lot more time for 'us'.
Not going to happen now..
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
This is an emotional time especially for LBSes. Get out and DO something tonight/tomorrow. Perhaps to the local nursing home where some residents don't have a family. I've visited these places once or twice in the past. I've enjoyed hearing their amazing life stories. Some play cards and love to teach you their games.
