KGirl - one year later con't

[KGirl]

So H texted me today about something I left at the house. I wasn't around for him to drop it off today, but he said he was able to get the rest of this week and next week off so he'll have plenty of time to drop it off later. His days off make me really sad. He had mentioned at dinner last week that he was hoping to get off (it was trickier this year than in years past because he had a lot of work to do before the end of the year) because his best buddy also had off during that time and they could maybe get together (best buddy lives three hours away). Why does this hurt? Since I started working full time in 2010, every year I would beg H to take the time between X-mas and New Year's off with me so we could enjoy it together. 2010, 2011, and 2012 he said no because he didn't want to use vacation days unless we were actually going on a trip (it's not like he didn't have them, but they never expired, so he was all about "stockpiling" them).

Last year he finally agreed to take two weeks off, but I'm not sure why, because when he decided that, according to his timeline, BD was already decided and he was just waiting to tell me. Needless to say we didn't do anything together for those two weeks. Now this year he's OK with taking time off to try and hang out with his friend. So it's worth it to take time off to hang out with your friend, but not to spend time with your wife, based on past years? This shouldn't surprise me because I'd felt like I was always the back-up choice for hanging out and that he'd rather do things w/ friends or coworkers (go out to dinner, get a drink, etc.) than me, and I was just OK for watching TV or when he just really needed someone to go with him somewhere. Seeing a concrete example of that makes me really sad, and makes me wonder why I was willing to settle for someone who didn't see me as a first choice for an activity partner? Or for using vacation days on?

I don't expect to be someone's only person they hang out with... but I do want to be with someone who would generally prefer to do things with me and be excited to do things with me if they're things we both like to do. Is this too clingy? Am I being unrealistic about how relationships work? Or are my expectations just not realistic in regards to what H can provide? I was hoping I could not let thoughts about H creep in during today and tomorrow but maybe that's too much to hope for at this time..