barely holding on - 6

[u-turn]

Thanks HP - I'm sorry to hear about your latest - You will be great!!!

I have no intention to fight her about leaving, I actually think it will be best. I do not know how to move forward otherwise. I do want to move ahead. I do not want this anymore

and I've used the exact words too - I don't want a separation. But I'm not going to stand in your way. But I do like your other response too.

This time, I think that it will be - it has to be.

She still is acting nice toward me and the kids - still buying presents for the kids, bought me some craft beer (guilty pleasure of mine).

I know it is all manipulation, I told her to stop doing things for me, it is not necessary. It complicates things even more. She knows that I am not accepting this - but it doesn't stop her.

I am going to make it through christmas for the kids. I feel so bad for them - they do not know what's coming.

And every reminder of what christmas is and has been is breaking my heart.

S20 is not coming home - He told S17 that we have abandoned him. What a fricken mess.

Sorry - messy post - don't feel much like editing it as this is how my mind is today.